Remember to Breathe

2003-09-05T02:53:00.000-07:00

efeafefaef

2003-06-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

MY LAST & FINAL WORDS

go ahead and fucking hate on me. i'm immuned to it. i've had people hate on me since high school started, and funny how all this shit started after a certain incident. yeah, anyways.

the fact that ALL of you haters, however many you are, have the fucking time to tag my board up every damn second of the day really says something. your hate must be really strong...and it really shows how fucking "real" you are when you sign anonymously. if you're going to fucking speak your mind and be true to your word, then sign your God damn name or just email me, call me, or better yet say it to my fucking face. and when ya'll go on to fucking sign your comments with other people's names, then you're not fucking dissing me but them as well. who knows if gabe or Marvie or Kimber or whoever else feels the way you assume them to feel, but if they feel that way, then they're fucking fake as well. but for the most part i know that they don't feel that way, at least one of them reassured me and i doubt that the others are fucking losers like you too. if they have a problem with me then fine. they should tell me so. and if they don't well then that's too bad. don't fucking talk shit when you all are just as dumb as you claim me to be. because if you all had some dignity in you, you'd fucking mind your own business and keep your mouth shut. but i guess that just shows how immature you are. and i'm not claiming that i'm better than you, if that's what you're thinking. because i'm not.

i know who i am. the good and the bad. you can call me a slut, whore, hoe, loser, loner, bitch, a fake, a backstabber, heartless. but i know i'm none of that.. well i can say that i am a bitch, but only to stupid fuckers like you. if i did anything to you, get over it. but if you really want to carry a grudge and waste your damn time then good for you.

don't fucking hate on me just because i'm proud of who i am. just because i know that i'm a good person. even if people can't see it. the people who love me can see it. and yes, people do love me and i'm damn sure of it. it may not be a million friends. i'm not popular. just because i don't "get along" with everyone or i'm not "cool with" people and they don't like me doesn't mean that everyone fucking feels that hateration.

for the longest time, i've been brushing off your dumb little comments, but frankly i'm disgusted with your bullshit so i've taken the tag-board down. and nooooo you fuckers who are so quick to assume....i did not take it down because i'm "ashamed" of what's being said, or that i'm fucking "depressed" because you're hurting my god damn feelings so much. it's gone because nothing is worth your stupid shit.

and if this just makes you hate me even more then good. you know why.? because what i'm saying is fucking true and you just can't handle the fact that you're being fucking stupid. i've made thousands of mistakes. i'm not the perfect person. but at least i'm not the loser who tags up people's boards because i hate them so much. im better than that.

in the words of slug...."fuck you very much".

2003-05-12T22:42:00.000-07:00

update on some good stuff. (take a wild guess)

Butterflies by Alicia Keys

Lately when I look into your eyes I realise
You’re the only one I need in my life
Baby I just don’t know how to describe
How lovely you make me feel inside

You give me butterflies
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can’t control the butterflies
You give me butterflies
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can’t control the butterflies

This seemed like the likely thing
From the start you told me I would be your queen
But never had I imagined such a feeling
joy is what you bring
I want to give you everything

You give me butterflies
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can’t control the butterflies
You give me butterflies
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can’t control these butterflies
You and I
Are destiny
I know now
You were made for me
Me

Ohhh oooo
I can’t control it
It’s driving me
Taking over me and I want….

You give me something I just can’t deny
Something that is so real
I just can’t control the way I feel
Oh no oh no oh no oh no
You give me something that I just can’t deny
Something that is so real
I just can’t control the way I feel
Ohh I never felt like this….

2003-05-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

a little update on ivy. (just want to share a very great night w/ you all)

prom rocked my socks right off my feet.

the food was great. well, probably because we were all so damn hungry. anything would have tasted good. me and aaron looked fucking hott as hell. the music wasn't that bad, and the dancing was very spiffy. somewhere in the course of all this, i had myself an asthma attack. i was beating the walls in the bathroom while all these girls were running around the place looking for anyone with an inhaler. some sophomore had one and she saved my life. after a couple of inhalations of albuterol, i was back to my normal self and getting down on the dance floor. it was so much fun. no drama, nothing. just fun with friends and friends. then we headed back to la salle, changed at christina's house, met up w/ peter & mandy, then got to whitney's house. right when we got there, rosa and i took a hit out of some big ass bong. good shit. haha, it was making me cough like i had respiratory problems or some shit. haha, narf. then eddie and i went to his car to get me some drinks. i drink a little bit of this and a little bit of that. took a few shots. and oh my god, i was eating all the fucking snacks. i was soo hungry. rosa and i kept on eating. haha. shit, that's us for you man. fatty girls just getting fatter. kae, then after a while, me geron kim karla and rosa headed home. rosa crashed at my place. silly girl was so faded she kept laughing at everything. my mom got pissed at me for not telling her rosa was sleeping over. i don't understand her sometimes. eventually fell asleep.

2003-04-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

"BRB"

i have again decided to take my thoughts to pen & paper. although i have written in both, i feel i'd much rather be writing in my book right now. and since i take my journal with my to school every day, it's more beneficial to satisfy my expressions in their present moments.

so to all those that read & appreciate my blog entries, i will notify you of a new blog address.

and to those of you who get all rowdy about some of my entries, you will be disappointed to know that there will be nothing for you to rant about & spend your precious time to be concerned about. sorry, folks...

adieu.!!

2003-04-01T18:08:00.000-08:00

Took the Words Right from my Mouth

I was reading my cousin mark's blog, and i stumbled across this poem that he posted. i don't know who wrote it, but it damn well captures aspects of my life & the lives of others around me. here's the good stuff....

Tell Me
Please tell me the truth…tell me who you really are
You retain a million personalities inside of you and reach so far for the bright star
We act like we’re really close, but there are many oceans that stand in between us
Are you the demon who brought hell upon those who trespassed against you and filled them with distress?
Are you the same person I fell in love with?
Or are you the angel who reached out to the hurt forthwith?
Some people try to make you happy, but why can’t you do the same for them?
Is it because you are too blind to see that they sacrifice everything for you not to condemn?
There is no such thing as “stealing” people away
A person can steal an object, but never a person in any way
You heard it from her own mouth that she is your friend and she will never ever leave you
Face reality and accept the fact that you can’t control everyone’s lives because they have their own lives to pursue
You’re mood is like the changes of the season
God made us different for one good reason
He made us to be unique in our own way
“God help him find himself…” I’d pray
In my eyes you’ll always be constantly changing to find the real you
I love you the way you are and it will always remain true
But I hate the way you want to be someone you’re not
Through the hard times, don’t ever think that I’ll leave your side because I’m not
I’ll be mad and disappointed by the wrong actions you choose to do
But that will never stop me from loving you
If tensions begin to grow between us and we become enemies, I will pray for you
Because I don’t only pray for my friends to be better, I also pray for those who are against me too
The sweet-sour feeling being with you gives me a new purpose of living
When you hurt me, I always end up forgiving
Don’t be afraid to admit that you’re wrong because people make mistakes
But in order to learn from our mistakes, we must improve ourselves whatever it takes
I’m stuck here confused and trying to figure out who you really are
Our purpose of living is finding out who we really are…

Random Thoughts.....

>i really love my friends at school. I've grown close to some great people.
>i'm not taking anyone to grad night (at least i'm not planning on it). that night is for the la salle homies.
>urban outfitters is crap.!! i'm going to boycott their products...okay probably not but still.!! they already have a full staff...
>i might be working at 21 choices in old town *knock on wood*
>good lord, my vision is horrid. my contacts came out today & kevin had to drive my car home.
>i'm finally at peace w/ issues from the past.
>i'm graduating in a month and a half.
>my imijj sisters rock my socks & my kultura family is the awesomest.!!

i realized why i've been so terrible w/ guys. well...since gabe at least. i am always lying to myself thinking that i'm really truly happy w/ a new guy i talk to. but the truth is, i'm not. and no...i don't miss gabe. i'm over it already. here...this will explain it...it's an excerpt from my written journal...
And then Gabe...well what is there to say? I loved him more than i could ever have known myself to be capable of. and in all the time i was with him, they were the greatest moments. i was never happiest in a relationship than i was with him. he was the best...the best...did i mention the best boyfriend ever!!! ahh...gosh i can't even begin to describe the joys i experienced in our relationship, and these memories are and already have been the demise of my following relationships. every guy that i've been with/talked to/dated after him didn't work out. i just couldn't get over the greatness that was gabe...
but really...yeah, i guess you could say im comparing every guy to gabe. But i was talking to kevin about it after school one day, and i explained that it's just because i'm probably not ready. i know i'll find someone just as good and probably even better than gabe. i can't keep on thinking about the past because we've changed and we're both different from how we used to be. I just think that after having been in a relationship where i was utterly and completely happy, it's hard to feel that way again. and it'll only take time. and it can only come naturally. a friend of mine told me that no matter how great the guy is, if the fuzzy feelings aren't there, then it's not meant to be. well, i don't know exactly where i'm going with this. i guess i just know what my stance is on guys. and i'm admitting that i'm not looking to get serious again. when the time comes, it'll come. but for now i'm chill. i've got my mom, my friends, my books, my food, and my paintbrush.

damn. all i do is eat & sleep. in addition to the monotonous routine of school and kultura.

2003-03-29T23:03:00.000-08:00

Yeah, Whatever

the results of last weekend's auditions were announced today at practice.

congratulations allie on landing the sinkil solo =)

congratulations to everyone else who got a solo =)

if i said how i feel, i don't think anybody would understand where i'm coming from. probably only allie.

so what if i gained weight these past two years.??? fine w/ me, but apparently unacceptable for others. har dee har har.

okae, whatever

2003-03-24T23:04:00.000-08:00

"I Wanna Be Cute Too!

I hate how the phone rings non-stop in the morning. espcially when you're so damn tired and sleepy. but since the phones in my house ring so damn loud and it takes forever for the machine to pick up and my mom's at work, I answer the phone. I pick it up, say my mom's not home or if it's one of my friends i mumble and hang up. then i go back to sleep. BUT THEN...since the phone rings AGAIN...i can't go back to sleep after a couple of phone calls. so yeah....there goes the luxury of sleeping in.

wow, that was interesting. not...

kae, so today i woke up early and cleaned the house. then i picked up kimber and rosa, and we headed to melrose. yummy yum yum.!! i love clothes. they're so tasty.!! since i'm always penniless, i execute my usual routine of "borrowing". damn kleptos (sp?).!! hahaha, narf.

lately, i've been making my clothes. well, my tops. i've been rummaging through my drawers and closet, pulling out every old t-shirt i can find. anything that strikes my fancy, i throw out onto the floor and reach for my handy dandy scissors. then i delightfully cut up the shirts and sew them back up however i like. i've made a couple of shirts already, but i don't wear them that much because it's been cold. but now that it's getting hott, i get to sport my creations =) cool, huh.??

so during the course of our adventure to melrose, i became more inspired. i now have some new examples of how to make my future clothing. how exhilirating.!!! it's very fun. kinda orgasmic, but not as pleasuring as food - specifically vegetable tempura.

"I laugh in the face of danger. Ha-ha-ha-ha!" - Simba (Lion King) ....Rather "I laugh in your ugly face. Ha-ha-ha-ha!" - Me

Oh and by the way, i'd like to mention that i met Seth Green -=) Yes, ladies & gentlemen, we saw him at melrose. Kimber and I were stupid losers who followed him across the street and into two stores before we worked up the courage to say hi. Geez, kim was all over him and touching him.!! ahahahahha...damn obsessed much.?!!? neener. ahahahaha. we got his autograph and dammit rosa's camera had no battery.!!!

Seth Green is so short.!!! har har har. but damn is he cute or what.!! shet sucka -=)

2003-03-17T16:53:00.000-08:00

A MI NOVIA

Last thursday, david called and interrupted my nap =P he asked if he could come over, but i was so sleepy and tired that i said i would just see him the next day (friday). A couple of hours later, I woke up and called him back. He was eating dinner, and he said he'd call me back. Before I hung up, he told me to walk out my front door. Thinking that he was outside my house, I went out and saw no one. I looked for his car, and I didn't see it. So i was like, "Umm, okay..". Then when i turned to go back inside, i saw a bouquet of flowers propped up against the wall -=) It had red and white carnations and red roses and a white rose and some other kinds of flowers. Then there was a card that said A mi Novia. I was soo happy, I couldn't stop smiling for hours.!!! I called up some people and told them what he did for me. Then i asked Judy what "a mi novia" meant since i'm a dork who can't understand Spanish (I'm a Latin student, okay.!?). She told me it meant "My Girlfriend". Something like that. Awwwww.!!!!!!! What a sweetheart -=)

Thinking about David just made me realize that his prom is in about two weeks.!! And i have no freakin' dress.!!! oh shet man. I gotta do some major shopping. Oh dear.!!!

Oh.!!! And i finally know who I'm going with to prom. I'm going w/ Aaron (friend from school). It works out great since we're pretty good friends, and we go to same school (split the costs.!! yesss.!!), and he's super fun. Cool.!!! -=)

congrats to Karla. She got into Northeastern. I'm jealous if she ends up going to Boston. Ahhhh, i wanted to go there. But nooo, mommy said that Boston was too far and way too expensive (since it's out of state). So yeah, whatev.

school is sooo lame

Grades are due tomorrow morning for the mid-semester reports. Yeah, I haven't turned in so much hwk for a lot of my classes.

>My ap chem teacher gave me a freakin' D+!!!! what sucks is that i turned in a lot of the hwk that he marked incomplete. He just didn't record it and shit. ahhhh =/ i swear.!!!!
>I haven't written any essays for religion. I finally gave my presentation to my teacher after school today. I asked him if i could just talk to him about my opinions instead of writing an essay. Since he was so caught up in the war business, he wasn't even really paying attention to what i was saying. Easy A -=) Ehh, but I still have to write one more essay. Dammit.
>I have to write two papers for English. One was due last class, and the other was due like 2 months ago. haha. and i have to turn in some other shit too....
>I'm sooo behind on my ap calc hwk. oh my gooooooooood. i had like a gajillion late assignments. i spent all day today doing half of them so she could put them in the grades for tomorrow. i still gotta do the other half.
>I'm all caught up in econ, but i still have a zero on one of my quizzes for not making it up. Shet, and i'm soo lost in that class. i NEVER pay attention.

I hate school more than anything.!!!!! And it's all because I'M SO DAMNN LAZY >=/ ah, dammit whatever. i only have about two more months until i graduate. Then i'm off to Irvine....unless i can still convince my mom to let me go to SB.!!! ahhhh, decisions suck.!!

2003-03-12T21:50:00.000-08:00

Changing Lanes

yeah, so i've noticed myself to be distancing myself from some of my friends. i haven't been kicking it w/ the usual crowd lately, and for that there are a couple of reasons. first thing...i got caught for sneaking out and drinking and shit. And normally I'd ignore my mom's ranting and do whatever i want, but i guess i felt bad, so i stopped going out so late. blah blah. in addition to that i was feeling disoriented about my place within my circle of friends. My grades at school are really bad. I miss confirmation so damn much, but I've been so set on bringing my grades back up that i spend my weeknights doing old hwk. And then on top of it all, my relationship with my mom has been a little rocky.

So God forbid i should express my feelings. I was talking to my Yosa a little bit ago, and she asked me if things were okay in the friend department. It kinda made me think about things. Like how you get really close to people and then...not. Kae, well it sucks. And i feel like... dude, just talk to me about it. And the other day my friend snapped at me because i was joking around about her not calling me to go out. I felt really bad. Because...I remember that before I'm pretty sure that I would try to reassure her that she was one of the gang. That it was never a duo but a trio. Well now it feels reversed, and now that i'm feeling out of the loop, people get offended.? Well, I'm sorry for feeling the way I do. And I know that people have been where I am right now, so give me a break. And if any of this isn't the case, then just TALK to me and TELL me so i know because apparently i don't know shit.

I guess i'm a tad bit irritated lately. i don't mean to come out offensive, but there's so much i'm going through.

i really think that it's times like these when my imijj sisterhood somehow comes to the rescue. i finally saw jana last saturday. i missed her. but the four of us are never complete. it's always me, mica, & jill. or me, jana, & jill. damn, sisters, we need to catch up =/

so what happened to my bobapuff group.?? does it even exist. funny, because i was at the mall today and i got some surprises/gifts for marve and kimber. dang, is bubbles even part of the family.?? are we even still sisters.?? i miss it. SIGH...

It's all good.

Just tell it to JESUS -=) "I could sing of His love forever" God rocks my socks.

2003-03-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

"You got me straight trippin' boo!"

Highlights of my weekend:
- David came over Friday morning to say bye to me before he left for San Jose =)
- I got to see the UC Irvine campus (w/ rosa & eric)
- I saw some cute guys.
- I felt weird and excited at the same time knowing that I was chillen amidst college students.An
- I ate at Full House (finally) w/ the Kultura family
- It's all about Deep Fried Squid w/ Spicy Salt & Pan Fried Noodles. Yumm..
- I had the most interesting chat w/ David Saturday night

So UC Irvine. The campus is really nice. And the dorm rooms are pretty cool too. Not as nice as others I've seen but good for me. Now the downfall of the school: it's fucking asian persuasion up the ass. NO OFFENSE. i'm not racist or anything.. haha. but shit man. i need some diversity. I guess it just bothered me. B'coz I'd rather be in Santa Barbara chillen in the sun, watching the hott surfer guys, partying my ass off...w/ a mostly diverse group of peope. When I went to Irvine, the atmosphere didn't suit me at all. It was sooo dead. Not that i need fun & parties to determine where I go to school, but shit....I don't want my college life to be boring up the ass. But then again, it is college and there are always parties. But compared to Santa Barbara...shit. haha. But the bad thing about SB is that everyone has fucking STD's.!!! damn, that's a scary factor.

After considering all of this and talking to Rosa, I figure i'll just go to UCI. Despite my doubts about fitting in there, Rosa said she's sure I'll find my nitch of people. And i trust that i will. So as of right now, it's UC Irvine for my future college. And besides, I can always transfer.... oh maybe somewhere like BERKLEY (sp?). ahahah i cant even spell it. that way I won't have to do those $40 dollar round trips w/ Southwest =P I can just visit yosa anytime & party around w/ David and hopefully my friend who'll get accepted there. i don't wanna say her name else i'd jinx it.

Please hold. I have a meeting w/ nature's calling.

Did you ever notice that after you take a crap, you feel 50 pounds lighter.? Har har har. Well, I do. I love taking a crap. It relieves me of my bloatedness.

You know what.?? some people are just rude. I'm not trying to instigate anything here, but i'm just speaking my mind. On friday, me and my friends drove out to IRVINE to see the campus. And in my friend's case to visit someone. Well, that someone was nice, i guess. But most of his attention was placed elsewhere than on us. I mean, I didn't expect him to be all up in open arms w/ us. But it was more like.."hey here's the campus and yeah...let me just go talk to my friend here instead of you." I think i just expected some common courtesy, but whatever. Maybe i was just irritated that night.?? But damn, after all the good things I heard about him from my friend, I guess I built up an image that was far from what I encountered. I feel for my friend, because damn, we took time and effort to go all the way over there, and he couldn't be a better host.?? c'mon now. what kind of an impression does that give.? And you know...perhaps he isn't what i make him out to be. This is all from my first impression, and I shouldn't make any judgements from it. So maybe he was just having a bad day.? Or maybe he's just like that.? But whatever, I was just annoyed, and that's that.

Hmmm.... David.??? He's got me straight trippen'. Damn, I'm smiling again. =) What a narf. har har har =)

2003-03-04T22:04:00.000-08:00

Bound for College

I've been admitted to:
-Loyola Marymount University
-UC Irvine
-UC Riverside
-UC Santa Cruz

I'm waiting to hear from:
-UC Santa Barbara
-UC Los Angeles

I'm kinda set on going to IRVINE after i had a talk w/ some people at school. santa barbara is a good school too, but shit. i know i might not handle all the partying. you know me.!! wild and crazy gangsta here.!! haha, kidding. but yeah. so i figure, if i ever plan on partying, i'll just visit christina at SB. but who knows, i have a month and a half to think about it.

IMPORTANT ANNONCEMENT. I AM NO LONGER HAVING A DEBUT W/ JILLIAN AND MICA. WE DECIDED TO GO ON A TRIP TOGETHER. SO TO EVERYONE THAT WAS IN THE COURT, A ROSE, OR A CANDLE...SORRY.!!! WE'LL JUST PARTY IN THE SUMMER.

so i'm really into this one silly rabbit. gosh, he's so cute. we're complete opposites. but you know....opposites attract. right on.!! but for real. i must say that so far this relationship is unlike any other i've had. you don't even know.!! he's a shy guy. hehe. how cuuuuuuute.!!!! oh man. it's weird, but a good kind of weird. kinda like....i really don't know what'll happen. just one of those things. but hey, as long as i keep on smiling like this, i'm all good =)

ahahahah....judy was mocking me..."oops there i go again =) and again =)" ...ahaha okay one last time =)

2003-03-02T02:48:00.000-08:00

"Put Your Hand in My Hand"

it's 2:42 in the morning and i have the biggest smile on my face. And what is the reason for Ivy's happiness.??

.....just a special someone =)

wowowowowowowowowowowowow this smile on my face just won't go away.!!! -=) there i go again. -=) and again =) oops. and again. hehe =)

2003-02-26T15:12:00.000-08:00

"The Worst is Over. You Can Have the Best of Me."

So the other night i was up thinking about just everything. And i thought about what a complicted person i am. There are so many conflicting aspects about me. I think one way, and I act another. I'm very contradicting. But I believe that isn't such a bad thing. I think it just goes to show that I'm really thinking, that i'm really open-minded. because shit. there's so many ideas, thoughts, and opinions to have. why just stick to one.?? and people think it's ridiculous to constantly be changing their minds. well why not.?? there's no real explanation or reason for feeling the way we do. we just do. and what the hell am i trying to say.?? i really don't know. i never make any sense. har har har.

obviously, everyone has to fuck up notoriously at one point in their life. if it hasn't happened yet, it's bound to happen. and if it happens...is that a good thing.?? or a bad thing.??? because honestly... These hardships in our lives are really the experiences that teach and inspire. Okay, in English class we were comparing and contrasting the writing styles of Shakespeare and Jonson. In the end, Shakespeare was more favored, in light of his passion and experience of writing. Jonson's work was based on perfecion of grammar and such. Writing came from his head, while in Shakespeare's case, writing sprung from his soul. Chessy.? Perhaps, but very true. What reader wouldn't engage themselves more in a book/poem written from the heart? And the reason for Shakespeare's ability to express himself so greatly was due to the fact that he was "learned natrually". This meaning that he drew his knowledge from life experiences rather than from books or instituations of education. Of course there is much to gain from books and teachers, but really...the greatest lesson are the ones learned from experience. And what is all of this mumo-jumbo supposed to mean, you ask.

Well there are people I have known for quite a while. Some longer than others, but deepness of friendship is just the same. And despite what others may think, i believe that the friends i affiliate myself with are genuinely good people. I've heard bits and pieces of what others have said about "us". Well whatever. My mom even thinks the peope i hang out with are a bad influence, but I know first hand that that isn't the case. It could seem that a lot of times, we're just fucking around. And i have also thought that. But when it comes down to it. Some of these friends have brought me comfort. They are people i have fun with. I'm comfortable with them. Believe me... for me to be absolutely comfortable with people is tough. Yeah, i'm outgoing and whatever, but to truly be myself with people....Kudos to them =) And the greatest thing of all... no matter what degree of shit i've been through, they didn't treat me otherwise. I know they didn't always agree with me, but it's not like they totally dissed me or directly made me feel bad. Maybe i'm not close to all the people i hang out with, but there are those few who i consider to really be there for me. And they've accepted me despite myself.

Yeah, so i just think that's great.

There's a road of hard times ahead of the people I care about. Whatever is going on, I want you to know that I will be there for you regardless. I know that all of you are good people. It just happens that sometimes we lose our way and things happen that we don't intend. It will pass. I really don't know what to say. It may not seem like it, but I care. If it's not apparent from me, then it surely is from those closer to you. Always keep that in mind.

that was a huge tangent from what I was intending to blog about....

ha.!! in your face suckas.!!! i've been winning my bet so far - the bet that i can't stay single for at least two months. well, boys and girls, it's almost march, and i haven't been "involved" with anyone. no talking/seeing/flinging. okay. maybe a small fling in december right after ian, but haha. ewl whatever. but no RELATIONSHIP shit. ahhh and it feels mighty good. i feel so free =) but yeah. haha. no one said i couldn't have a crush. and what's a mere little crush.??

So i talked to my lover Abby the other day. I finally have peace with myself. I was listening to some songs that would normally have made me sad, but i was totally fine. Yeah, i know i can still be a little bitter but shit.. like Abby says...it hurts man because i love him so much. And now. I don't miss him as much as before. I don't cry.!! haha. and how can anyone blame me for feeling the way i do. so many people agree with me. Gabe's such a great person, so how could you just let that go and forget.?? blah blah. so confuseding.!!! and then this whole business about me missing Ger since he came back. Well, now it's over. I guess talking to him after so long was just ________ . yeah... the past month i've been reflecting on these two guys. And nothing ever works out the way you want it. But that's all done with, and I'm happy.

And no matter how much you think it's the worst thing in the world to be apart from them, it's not so bad. i'm seventeen years old. no need for me to keep on being all dramatic about boys. damn. ivy + boys = drama. haha. But now. I'm ready for whatever comes. I'm not looking for anyone "special". The special ones happen unexpectedly. like Gabe & Ger. i think that's why they were the best ones. But thing things happen.

Now i'm hoping that some tantalizing prospects will have a good outcome.

2003-02-25T18:39:00.000-08:00

A Bookworm Urge

so, yesterday evening my mom and i ate out at Itchiban - the raddest japanese restaurant in the world. oh, nothing gets me happier than broccoli tempura. Mmmm....

afterwards, my mom and i walked to Borders bookstore. I spent forever in there, reading excerpts from books and carrying aroun a gajillion i wanted to buy & read. sadly, though, my mom said "one at a time". so what did i choose to start with.? yes, that's right folks. The greatest trilogy ever...The Lord of the Rings. hell yeah sucka. i've read bits and pieces of it already since i've been skipping around from beginning to middle to end. damn it is so exciting.

Other books on my list include:
The Lovely Bones by Alice Seabold
Timeline by Micheal Crichton
The King of Torts by John Grisham
The Ground Beneath Her Feet by Salman Rushdie
'Tis by Frank McCourt

if you're wonderng what has suddenly sparked this fancy of literature, i don't know. i was hardcore book ready in grade school, and i just stopped. it feels great that i'm reading again. long lost passion for some book lovin'.

narf.

2003-02-23T15:27:00.000-08:00

Not Bad. Not Bad At All...

I'm still getting used to not being w/ the "usual" people. i was supposed to go to the erhs sadies dance, but my mom wouldn't let me go. all her reasons are understandable, but it's just soo frustrating. i know i've fucked up a lot. i know i've made so many mistakes. it's just hard to ask her to trust me again. so i went out w/ jana, dex, lawrence, joe, and joey. i felt kinda weird/awkward because i don't really know jana's friends. i wasn't comfortable. but yeah...we watched daredevil. all i have to say is that i'm disappointed. i think it was overrated. but damn. let me just say that ben looked might spiffy =)

next morning (saturday), it's the usual routine. jason wakes my lazy ass up and we go to Riza's debut practice. oh dear, the instructor lady got mad at me and my friend britney. ahhhhhhh.!!! 'coz we're always laughing at her. i know, it's sad/mean...but dude.!!! she's sooo _______ sometimes. it's like....ahhhh. anyways.!!! then we chilled watching tv and sleeping for a while at Riza's, then my mom finally picked me and jason up. blah. then i drive to Kultura practice. damn. what a work out. we're prepping for our show in May. hardcore dancing yo.!!! narf.... but it's good stuff.

then afterwards.. i dropped my car off at home and my mom dropped me off in glendale (since i'm not allowed to drive except for school and kultura). i met up w/ Riza, Raynold, Rj, Eric, & David. hahahaha....

wow, i just have to say that David is RAD. he's half white, half peruvian. he goes to loyola. let's just hope some people there don't go advising him to stay away from me. like i know some people do. damn haters. haha. whatever. who knows. he could be the one that it'll actually work out with, but then again it might not happen. so whatever. anyway, he's on the track team. from what i hear, he's a hardcore runner. but yeah. in all honesty, he isn't really my type (just as ashley said), but shit i was attracted to him. and hey...like they say..."opposites attract". damn i hope he was attracted to me. lol. hahaha. it's all hunkydory. so Eric said i played it off really well. like i wasn't smothering him, and i wasn't too shy. just right =) woohoo.!! brownie points for me. but yeah. i'm interested =) ain't nothing wrong w/ that. it's the truth. but yeah. whatever happens, happens. but as of right now, i'm just chill. not gonna do anything.

damn, i said a lot about that subject huh.??? i guess i haven't had a crush, crush in a while. since december. ahahahah... yes, everyone. i had a crush on ramir. it was only obvious. but it's cool because after a while i realized i didnt' really like him and that we were just good buddies. maybe that's how me and david will turn out. so who knows.??? but yeah....

oh sheeeeet. ivy's got a little crush.

despite some things that annoyed me last night (failed plans, endless driving to nowhere, etc) i had a pretty good time. i got to know these people some more. and damn. i could laugh with these folks so much. that's a plus. how "rad".!!!!!!!

but i miss some people. ahhhhhhh....i missed keem this weekend. and i miss marvie. i miss everyone.

"la dee dodee, we like to partyyy.!!!"

2003-02-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

Carrot Sticks & Yogurt

healthy stuff tastes yummy in my tummy. i'm proud of myself.!!! now that i got my food matters in the right direction, i need to HIT THE GYM...
okay, that's not going to happen. membership is too damn expensive. i'll create my own workout sessions. yeah, sucka.!!!!

damn, all this debut planning is kind of stressing. but despite that, it's very exciting. yay -=)

you know.... all my chats w/ yosa are very interesting. it's nice to talk w/ her. i always get something out of it. whatever it may be.!!!! she's one of those down to earth people. how yummy.!!! i wanna bite her sometimes. haha. what a cool bean.

LiL kRaZy BeBoT: anywayyyyyyys
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: woohoo..new episode of will and grace
you act so ugly: i dont watch that
you act so ugly: i dont watch much tv
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: well i watch will and grace
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i loooove it
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ehehe
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: num num num
you act so ugly: i watch a lot of mtv
you act so ugly: television is so bad for you
you act so ugly: and im totally against it ... but i cant help me
you act so ugly: help it*
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: of course not
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i don't watch much
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: there's nothing to watch coz i dont' have cable
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i just like will and grace..friends sometimes and smallville
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahhaha errrr
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh well
you act so ugly: like some girl
you act so ugly: posted on this forum and asked "what are your guilty pleasures"
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: what'd you say.?
you act so ugly: she's like mine is reality tv, even tho i know it's not "intellectually stimulating" but i like it
you act so ugly: im like dood, it's good to watch, read, hear things that are "intellectually stimulating" but i cant stand people with sticks up their ass who dont know how to have fun every once in a while ... watch whatever the hell you want i say!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: haha
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: good job yosa
you act so ugly: look at what this guy said
you act so ugly: seriously, people act like its no big deal to just be like "oh I'm not good at math" and shit, its bullshit you don't see people saying shit like "oh I don't work well with words" or "I never really understood reading" for me math was something that was always stressed as the most important subject to learn, but for some reason for most people its just socially acceptable to say "oh I'm not good at numbers"......you don't still read dick and jane books so learning your multiplication tables and long division should not be the extent of your math skills
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: true

i have nothing else to say. not that this entire entry was of any interest. but whatever turns my knob, right.?? ....Cheerio.!!

2003-02-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

Raise your hand if you had a bad weekend.

before i rant out my frustration. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RYAN, DIDOO (ADRIAN), BABY, JOEY, KIMBER, SESSY (JUDY), JULES. i'm not quite sure of the order of those birthdays. actually it's all correct except for jules. i dunno his exact birth date. sorry.!!! wow so many birthday shortees. ewl, did i just say that.?! aahahah...how lame. well you all know i love you. enough said.

i think that because i was soo late on m period, my PMS emotions were long overdue. all the stress and shit that's been building up inside of me these past weeks/months...oh damn. i just exploded. and when i say exploded, i mean hardcore break down. friday morning i had a horrid display with my mother. and on sunday night i had another one. then this morning it was really bad. but enough of that bullshit.

Thank you RAYRAY for the love =)

You know what's cool.?? In the most unexpected places, you find comfort... So i've been getting to know Riza's friends/family in her debut court. they're awesome to chill and laugh with.

2003-02-14T21:06:00.000-08:00

Do you feel the love.?? Oh HELL no...

it's friday night, and i am home. it's valentine's day. but whatever. i basically did nothing until about 6. kimber picked me up and we went to go get weena and judy. went to marketplace to get ice cream. haha. i got a five dollar certificate because the workers asked me to hit on their manager as a joke. haha. then yeah. we walked to the mall. there people holding signs and protesting ther war, so i grabbed a sign and joined them for like a minute. we tried to spy for some hott white boys. no luck there. ahahah. went to american eagle where i got stuff for myself to feel better. didn't really do much for me. but i do fancy the green bangkok, thailand shirt i got. hell yeah sucka. then we went downstairs and i said hi to an old friend of mine =) he has awesome hair. haha. then we left.

met up w/ marvie and krista at the wherehouse down my street. uMmm. i guess i just got into a bleh mood. the way i've been feeling about things just came up, and i was just so bleh. i mean. things were explained from a note/letter i got on thursday. i admit i was happy and close to tears because i was relieved that she hadn't forgotten about me. but it's just weird i guess. i know it probably isn't the case, but i just feel that now that she has her best friend/other half back. no more twin time you know.?? but she's busy so it's not her fault. i think i'm just being sensitive about all this. i guess i was so used to being with her all the time and talking to her so much, and then suddenly nothing. nada. instead of us being super duper gay and hyper to see each other, it's just awkward. "oh hey..." *kiss on the cheek* then yeah. that's how it was. i'm being sooooooo dumb right now, but i can't fucken help it. you know those people you get close to.?? and you're so happy because you feel like you should have had this friend long ago because it's so awesome.?? yeah... and you know how there are those friends who do everything together and understand each other. who fight and tell each other everything. blah. i've never had that. i've had "best friends", but c'mon now.

i'm soo feeling what kimber's been feeling. out of place. when kimber took me home, she said that she just keeps in mind that we only have a couple of more months until we're off to college. then we get our new starts. damn, i can't wait. i soo want a new scene.

don't get me wrong.!! i love my friends to death. i'll always be here for them if they need me. it's just that i get the vibe that the same doesn't go towards me. you know.?? we have good times. but i'm not CLOSE to most of them. yeah, we probably all know a lot about each other, but it's the other things. fuck i can't explain it. it was like how abby was saying.

sometimes it makes me think about who i can really go to.i mean i have gained new friendships....which is unbelieveably awesome. but when i was talking to judee this morning, we reflected on how we dont know whos really there for us.i love my friends sooo much, dont get me wrong.dude, im not trippin or anything, but things are slowly getting better.

random thought of someone. okay not so random. since i'm on the subject of friends, the one person i can remember who i really loved to talk to was gabe. but now everything's changed, and it's different. i can't talk to him the way i used to before we were together. i really miss the e-mails we had. i could just tell him anything. who knows?? maybe i'll e-mail him one of these days. the inseperable buddies for life barely speak to each other now. and i feel like i've lost my connection with my doper than dope friend. i know he's there for me, and i know he cares. but we both know it's not the same.

and as for sisters.... imijj, i love you guys.!!!

kimber... thank you for understanding what i'm going through. these past few weeks have really stengthened our relationship. i was going through a most unbelieveable crisis and you were there to talk to. all of that stress, and you were so concerned. i really appreciate it. more than you know. it's been how many years, and we've had all these ups and downs. okay lets save this stuff for your debut. i love you sister.

marvie.... i know you've been busy, and things between us is weird. unsaid things. i think that i'm feeling so much i should tell you, but i just feel that i can't say it. maybe there really isn't anything that's wrong. i guess i'm just scared/sad/frustrated because this same thing happened to me and my friend emily. we drifted a little bit. we had things to say to each other, but we never said it. and now we don't talk anymore. and for a while junior/senior year we didn't like each other. and i know that it doesn't seem like it could happen to us, but that's what i thought about me and emily. i think i'm feeling a replay of that now. but whatever. maybe i'm just overreacting. so whenever you have time, i'm here.

i did some stupid shit today that i hadn't done in soo long. haaaaaaaaa. what is my world coming to.??

i can't wait to start my life again.

2003-02-14T15:17:00.000-08:00

Oh, the day of LOVE

last night i went to the notre dame basketball game. it was a girl's game against flintridge sacred heart. mica's team lost. =/ it's okay. she balled up everyone anyways. hell yeah.!! that's my sister.!!!! shoot, watching that game sparked the old baller in me. ahahaha....sh'yeah right.!!!! LOL...

anyways. i want to see my Rayray today.!!! but i don't know how i'm gonna get to the valley.!!! ergh.!!! hopefully my mom will let me drive. i miss rayay soooooooo much.!!! dammit, i never get to see her. dagnabbit.!!!

oh man, judee is out and eating pan fried noodles without me.!!! what the hell.!?!!? "i haaaaaaaaaaaaate you.!!!!!!!!!" ahahahaha...

i'm waiting for kimber to come back so we can go out.!!!! what am i going to do today.!?!?! what am i going to do this weekend.!!! i have to get boba at least.!!!!!!!!!!! i've been craving some.!!!!! shit man....cappacino oreo boba. mMMM =)

2003-02-10T13:39:00.000-08:00

Another Day

i couldn't sleep last night. i didn't feel like going to school today.

So i woke up feeling relieved from venting out most everything in last night's blog.

thank you to those who were concerned. i love you.

I'm over this mood now.

Happy Ivy is back. yeaaaah, sucka -=)

2003-02-10T01:02:00.000-08:00

Hate is a good thing...

"and im at an all time low..."

i hate people who can't fucking keep their mouth shut. i hate people who think it's fine to just talk about other peoples' personal life like it's nothing big. i hate, i hate, i hate.

i hate the fact that i fucked up soo many fucking times.
i hate that i fucked up on gerrier.
i hate that i fucked up on gabe.
i hate that i feel i can be close to people at some point, open up, and then drift apart from them.
i hate that i've disappointed my mom in more ways than i could remember or count.
i hate that people have built up this reputation about me that isn't such to be proud of.
i hate the fact that i have to think twice about who of my friends really loves me.
i hate feeling as if love i ever thought was real was all just bullshit.
i hate regret.
i hate that i can dislike people i hardly know.
i hate people who dislike me w/out knowing jack shit about me.
i hate flings.
i hate getting fucked up and later hearing about the stupid shit i did.
i hate feeling that people find the stupid shit i did amusing.
i hate that i disrespect myself.
i hate that people disrespect me.
i hate that i can't talk to an ex or a guy or be his close friend w/out his girl getting all mad or jealous.
i hate that people think i have an alterior motive for talking to a damn guy.
i hate that people think relationships are based on just one thing.
i hate that people think i can't keep a fucking relationship.
i hate that i haven't had a solid, consistent relationship.
i hate that i haven't found that guy who could really make completely great.
i hate that i thought i did but was disappointed in the end.
i hate that i don't have the strong sensation to love God w/ all my heart.
i hate that i don't even try in school.
i hate that i'm "meaty".
i hate that i've been waiting to talk to marvie, but it seems like she doesn't even know what i'm feeling.
i hate that perhaps i'm just assuming she doesn't care when she's really going through her own shit.
i hate that i don't want to initiate the subject.
i hate how i feel that everyone has "someone" - friend or significant other.
i hate how jana has the greatest relationship w/ dex.
i hate having to open up.
i hate people who take my faults and use it to talk shit about me.
i hate people who find tht kind of shit amusing.
i hate that i wish the same thing would happen to them, and that they'd feel like shit about their own faults.
i hate hurting peoples' feelings.
i hate repeating the same mistakes.
i hate knowing what's wrong and still going through w/ it.
i hate it when people hurt my feelings.
i hate it when people criticize me too much.
i hate it when they call it "tough love" from a "real" friend.
i hate hypocrites who claim they're fucking this kind of a person and don't realize that they're doing it.
i hate it when i'm a hypocrite.
i hate promises.
i hate it when most of the time they're broken.

But most of all I hate it when I feel this way...

And don't you hate it? We're only human. I'm only human....

2003-02-09T18:59:00.000-08:00

I MET GARY V.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, what can i say. i'm a cool girl now. i, yvette maria faye ocampo met gary valenciano (sp?) today. I was one of the girls on the Philippine float for this Lunar Parade in Hollywood. And i was right smack up front w/ him. and we got to talk and take lots of pictures and what not. he's soooooooo nice.!!! ahahhaha. i told everyone he was my boyfriend. narf.!!! hahaha.

so if you wanna see me and my dance group KULTURA doing our thang...watch us on that asian channel..channel 18, and check out the philippine newspapers or whatever. =)

so after standing forever..we had to walk back to where our things were...ahahah..all these people surrounded me, mica, and jill taking pictures. we felt all special.

but that's over and tomorrow i'm back to boring school.

...kinda feeling disappointed. i feel soo...out of place.!!!! oh well. =/

i've talked to my imijj so much lately. they always make me feel better.

A MILLION THANK YOU'S TO KIMBER. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE. =)

2003-02-08T00:53:00.000-08:00

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

so my motto this week has been non stop... "i haaaaaaaaate you.!!!"

so last weekend....i had a "rude awakening". perhaps that's what you could call it. and every damn day this week i've been immersed in thoughts of the past, present, and future.

fuck....it's just all these opposing thoughts in my head.

i feel like such a child.
my faith has submerged.
i've been doubting my sense of God.
i'm crying.
i don't have a "best friend".
i'm beginning to think there's no such thing.
why is it that you get close to some people, and then all of a sudden feel forgotten?
i drive away the good guys.
gerrier was the best guy. i never told anyone about him.
he always told me to never cry.
i've cried for the past 3 years.
i'm doubting if anything was real w/ the one i can't let go of.
i am undubiously getting extremely large.
it's rare for me to find a sense of peace.
i know there are those few people who are there for me and who really care.
i guess i want this time to sulk and let it soak through.
i'll be over it in a couple of days.
i don't give a flying fuck about people who take offense to this shit or anything i do or say.
i'm sick and tired of certain peoples' bullshit.
orlando bloom is dating that blue crush chick. oh God... ahhh...
i hate school more than anything right now.
i drank soda today.
i'm craving some h2o.
i want to love completely.
i hurt a lot of people.
a lot of people hurt me.
hahaha, i'm so damn fucking complicated.

i wouldn't change any part of myself.

2003-02-04T19:37:00.000-08:00

Stressssssss...

I got a haircut today. i got myself some bangs =) i like it. it'll take some getting used to though. obviously.

on Sunday I went to the Marriot & the Biltmore hotels w/ Jillian and Mica and Cammy and our parents. We were checking out the ballrooms for our debut. We all really liked the Biltmore...duh.!!! i didn't like he marriot. it was mega huge, but it didn't appeal to me. i like the biltmore room. not the one portia had her's in (even though my mom wants that one), i want the one downstairs...but we'll see what happens.

did i ever mention how much i love food.?!?! did i ever mention that Full House (chinese restaurant) is the best ever.?!?! oh man. we ate Full House. I filled my tummy w/ delicious pan fried noodles and fried squid w/ spicy salt.!! oh shiiiiiiit. hell yeah sucka.!!

lately i've had this mega burden on me. can't say exactly what it is, but it's been stressing me out soo much. and it just sucks because i feel soo alone in this. I know that my sisters love me. But i just feel like I'm doing this on my own. Only two people have really been asking me how things are going. They're the only ones who try to help. I'm kind of disappointed in someone though. I really want to talk to her, but I don't think she see how big of a deal this is.

If you care at all, please pray for me. I'm soo scared right now. My future is at stake.

"So much on my mind, I just can't recline." - Blackstar ft. Common

2003-02-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES

mMMm.....-=)

Friday...i picked up Judy from Aud's house...went to go get Ramir...went to Ralphs in Glendale....where they didn't have Judy's freakin' banana chex mix...hahaha.!!! drove all the way to that damn grocery store when it wasn't even there. I dropped Judy off at Target... Me and Ramir dropped off my car at home and we walked to Ryan's house. damn.!! i hate walking. hahaha...im a lazy ass. Kae....then we all played pool...I went back home and watched a billion dvds that i borrowed from Ryan. The Sweetest Thing is suuuuuch a weird movie!!!! it's kinda funny but rather odd. narf.!! ahahah....watched it w/ kimber and marvie...we were being couch potatoes. then they left and i watched Enough with JLo...it's cute. i like it. then i crashed....

Saturday...i woke up to go to debut practice...but i didn't end up going because i didn't feel too well. then I sat around...got myself some In n' Out. .MmmMMm... yummy. went to dance practice.....saw some people i hadn't seen in a long ass time. but whatever.... went home to drop off my car...Ryan, Anne, and Ramir pick me up. My mom freakin' grilled them w/ questions and shit. ahhhh...went to go get weena and judy....went to Gabe's.....AHHHHHHHHHHHHH Little K.....!!!!!!!! my little boyfriend...Gosh, he is the cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutest.!!!!!!! aiofjafj;ajf;oajirfj neener neener. Finally went to Adam's house. OMG.....ANNE's car is soooooooooooooo cool. ahahahah....it's a convertible. oh shit...the wind in my hair.......yaaaaaaah suckaaaa.!!!!! kay...then we just chilled at adam's.......blah blah....went home and back out again. i love you kim and geron.!! thanks a bunch. uMmm...back at adam's i caught up w/ people. i got sleepy...i snuck back in...got caught. mom noticed i wasn't in the right state of mind. i got a lecture...another lecture this morning....blah blah...

BUT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i still get to have my debut.!!! -=) hehehe...yay.!! speaking of which..geeez.. i'm already stressing out over the planning and shit. ahhhh....

And school sucks. but that's no surprise.

2003-01-30T21:11:00.000-08:00

THANK GOD I'M NOT LIKE HER

i just gotta say this. my close friend's ex-girlfriend is the most horrendous bitch i have ever encountered. i have never ever known anyon to have done such things as her. And she still has the nerve to act like everything's all fine and dandy. excuse me hunny... next time you wanna do something, lock yourself in your room because everything you fucken do is a shameful mistake. I have never felt so much animosity for somebody i barely know. But just her very character, and truuuuuuuuust. oh God....what she did. that's the worst shit i've ever heard of. i know that i myself have done fucked up things but nothing to this degree.

ahhhhhhh...this totally goes against what i think is wrong. i usually don't like to be bitter towards people i hardly know, yet there are those few who just bother me from the very start and annoy the shit out of me. ahhhhhh fuck.!!!!!!!! they're soooooooooo g'damn irritating.!!!!!!!!!!

i got love for you kaka.!!!!! f*ck that b*tch. you know you're better than that shit. i'm here for you homie.!!!! love yooou...

rayray's right......no more nice ivy. i'm not gonna tolerate all the bullshit anymore. fuck you, you, you, and you.!!!!! ahhhh feels good being mean. wooohooo...i'm a bitch.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -=)

"i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate you.!!!!!" - Judy

2003-01-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

WHERE HAS MY SOUL GONE?

Tiiiimberrrr: why'd u have detention?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: uniform from yesterdag
Tiiiimberrrr: i see
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh blah...i'm sooo...BLAH
Tiiiimberrrr: yea me too
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i don't feel motivated for much anyting anymore
Tiiiimberrrr: yea i know

monster wink 4 u: Damn, some people are such phonies.
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ray
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: don't be so negative
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: it's putting me in a foul disposition
monster wink 4 u: But they are.
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i know
monster wink 4 u: Dude, things like that depress me, and I'm not negative.
monster wink 4 u: I just get sheer out of being spiteful.

i feel no cause to be enthusiastic or in love with life.... i NEVER DO ANYTHING. school is the biggest bitch in the world. i have hit rock bottom senioritis. i never do hwk. i never study. i ditched school today because i knew i had a test in english. usually i'm up to date w/ things. if i get off track....it'll only be for a couple days. but this procrastination began since classes resumed in beginning of january.

LiL kRaZy BeBoT: do you feel agitated
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: for no reason
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i do
Tiiiimberrrr: i was...now i jus feel sorta apathetic towards everything
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: yeah
Tiiiimberrrr: i dunno its weird

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......

"Creep"
by Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

She's running out again,
She's running out
She's run run run running out...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special...

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.

i heard this song on the radio today. ain't it grand. it doesn't necessarily apply to anything going on right now. guess i'm just feelin' it.

2003-01-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

My friend came back. I'm happy. I've missed him soo soo much. It's funny how we've been through soo much, and after all this time, we end up reunited. I guess he's just one of those friends for life. The ones you know will always be there, even if you don't see them/talk to them for months.
I can't say who he is; he doesn't want anyone to know he's back. I'm pretty sure a lot of people know already, but whatever.

yesterday was the best day. Not only did my love return, but I get a debut too.!!! I'm gonna share it with Mica and Jillian =) We were planning it w/ our parents last night. oh shet betch.!!! it's gonna be one rockin' debut.

i never do anything for school.!!!!!!! oh my geez. Motivate me. I wanna get myself out of this bed. I am soo damn lazy. It's soo not groovy. ergh. dammit!! bad ivy.... shame on me. ahahah oh well.

2003-01-26T14:32:00.000-08:00

friday night/morning was the weirdest/craziest/most interesting shit ever.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so holy family formal was cool beans. it was gay...me and my date were feeling the same way about a certain something. but towards different someones. but oh well... life goes on & you just gotta move on and smile.!! but damn...it's so freakin' hard. but yeah. i had fun dancing at some points. oh man.!!! and beautiful mary was winter formal princess.!!!!!!!!! woohoo go mary.!!!! she rocks my socks. anyways, who saw kimber's hair.!!! didn't it rock.?!!??! whyyy.?? because i did it.!! ahahah...shit yo...it looked berry mach professional.!!! ahahhaah narf.!!! i'm proud of myself. she looked so wonderful.!!! i'm jealous. ahhahaha dude..half the time i was sitting or wearing a sweater because i was so damn uncomfortable in my dress.!!!! ahahahha...okay...on to the highlight of the night...

i went home and snuck back out.... then we went to the sheraton hotel at universal city...geron had a suite there...and yeah....sOoOOo aiweuf;ija;ruqo;u9;gjo;awejr;fjaeo;widqi23jr;9q28490querjg;iojawo;irtjo;a9eruf;iqjr4;oq9uaer90fuqj;io23jrwdo9iq23rjo;ifqu4;39awjet;iarjfio.ahfklhdfkljedf;3ur9phjenfijao;4ehfojofi;fjpq349ut9sejfo;q2jqtioaurgv;i8q4ht;907r0u2j;iot5ugpwe90urjo;qef;o9jq32p14t;gijsdio;fjq34oi;fj34urhjoieuwfpq8u5g9porjfio;a3jrgfysd89fhqo;4ifyo98weh;oiwug89p43ht;uwe0r;3io4thgviuodshgklwjaerdiovfhaeklrvno9angklndfhiofljw;orjgvb8n5ijg89jvnklwrjfio;jwkltmngvkl......

that's what happened....craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy shet huh.!?!??! it makes me laugh. damn i can't wait to see kevin's pictures.!! neener neener. hahahahha

OKAY...then last night (saturday)...i performed at this fashion show at the bonaventure hotel...wow daughter cammy looked soOoo hott.!! ahahah..that's my child.!!! but yeah......HOTT WHITE GUY. oh shit man..i was having orgasms left and right. ahahahah ... no but dude... he was sooooooo very sessy.!!!!!!! i got to take a picture w/ him and my tita introduced us to him. his name is raphael. shet sucka.!!! and cammy and her mom said next time there's a fashion show i can model too.!!! ahahah hopefully. wouldn't that be soo dope. who cares about the clothes and shit...i just wanna see the hott white guys....and hott other guys. but shit..nothing beats that yummy hottie.!!!!!

okay the end.

2003-01-26T14:30:00.000-08:00

2003-01-21T00:07:00.000-08:00

i love my bobapuff sisters.

i miss my imijj sisters.

i'm so feeling marvie on the whole outside looking in thing. read her blog. sometimes i wonder where i belong... i've never had a constant friend.

actually kimber... i've been friends w/ her since kindergarten. we've had ups and downs. we've made it this far. damn i love that girl. -=)

it feels good having girl friends. chillen w/ marvie, mary, and mocha today was awesome. sometimes it's just better when the guys aren't there.

okay, i think a mood swing epidemic hit our group today. it was just crazy snapping at each other. mann...

shit, i am so obsessed. like fuck. i can't explain it. oh man my heaaaaaaaaaaaaaart -=) "bloom bloom".

i'm so fucking happy with my boy status. i'm still in love w/ HIM, but you know what...it's all good. it's better that i'm not denying it like i was before. thinking that i was completely over it. and now that i know what i feel, it's great. i can move on from here. naturally... i'm soo not looking for a relationship right now. i've said it before, but shit..now i'm confident as hell. blah blah blah...i have me, myself, and i. shit sucka. that's the best combo right there. and i love it.

can't wait to hit up the block w/ marve. bust our "MISSION". ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shet betch.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! here we come.!!!!!!!!! oh my Goodness. I want some NOW.!!!!!!!

2003-01-19T11:18:00.000-08:00

Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

OH FUCKING SHIT....you are so damn skippy that HE is what i like.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yum yum yum yum and more yum.!!!! dammit i wanna ...MMmMmm ...hehehe -=)

My lovely Marvie and beautiful Mary picked me up from school on Friday. Me and rosa and them went home to my house. We didn't end up going to melrose...just chilled and ate at my house. then Marvie and Mary left to get ready. Rosa left for the bball game @ la salle. (yeaaaah, we won.!! wooohooo.!! ) then me and my mom got into a horrid display & i called marvie who rushed over to get me. we talked and cried on the way to her house. then we sat in her car for the longest time just talking. awwwwwwwww... i swear. we had the same childhood. no wonder we're destined to be twins. but yeah.... when we graduate we're going to get out of our houses and live together.!!! yay...okay...then krista came...we went to pick up everyone...we lagged like no other...then off we went to arlyn's debut. HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY.!!!1 -=) when we got there...the coutillion didn't even start. so yeah....blah blah...wow, i liked the dresses. it was so sexy. then we all danced the night away. i got in trouble when i got home. my mom took my car keys away. blah.....

Saturday, jason woke me up and we went to debut practice. After, jason taught me a little bit of scratching on the turntables. woohoo.!! then i went home. Kim and Marvie came over to open kimber's present. hehhehehe....yeah, she loved it =) i cant' wait for mine. even though I WANT A LIFE SIZE LEGOLAS POSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....ahahahhahaha...mMMmkay....then i went to dance practice... after i went to watch Chicago w/ my mommy dearest. dooooooooope movie.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i especially liked it because i danced to one of the songs a couple of years ago. yeah sucka.

This morning Yosa woke my ass up so early. ahhahah...then i woke other people up. and now i'm online.... i have my car keys...i should go somewhere but i haven't showered yet. blah.!!!! okay there's nothing more i have to say. this is pretty boring.

i love to love orlando bloom. he rocks my socks....among other things... teeheee >=)

2003-01-16T22:27:00.000-08:00

shit...so much crap to do for school. i'm gonna go crazy. i can't even concentrate dammit.!!!!

there's so much i've been thinking about lately.!! ahhhhhhh.....

my God...i want to graduate already. ugh. i want to get out of here & get out there.

2003-01-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

i have no idea what sparked it, but the other day i started to hardcore cry about a certain something/someone. i called lover abby. ahhh fuck.!! and then yeah...marvie walked into my room while i was crying...and she said to stop or else we'd both start crying. haha. we're so pathetic.!! and freakin' judy...all she says is..."dont worry...watch forrest gump.!!!" ahahahha.. oh man..that girl.!!

After school on friday, I went w/ kimber to the mall to buy Karla's present. We met up w/ marvie for a while....and I made them come w/ me to look for SUPERMAN stuff....geez. aahahha...sorry guys.!! then i went home and my mom and I went out on date... We ate this really good Mexicn restaurant in La Canada...then we watched Maid in Manhattan. OH MAN.!!!!!!!!! i looooooooooved it...it's so cute... i mean..yeah, it's so predictable.. but still yo.!!! it made me smile soo much.. and i got those little fuzzies..ahahah...i'm sooo gay.!! and i was like...AWWWWWWW... hahaha...

Saturday....woke up and jason picked me up and we went to Riza's debut practice...twas pretty cool. then I went home and fell asleep. Kimber woke me up knocking on my door. We talked for a little bit. She left and I went back to sleep. Marvie woke me up and came over. I had to go to kultura practice so I got ready and she dropped me off. Practice was good... I love it when Lisa is in charge of us. But tita celia..i dunno...sometimes she can just be mean. but whatever..she's probably stressed out. I don't even wanna start on that.... Me and Mocha left early and Marvie picked us up....we went to Aud's house. got ready... everyone met up there. I went around asking if they could notice my unproportional assets.!! ahahah....uMmm..then we all drove to bell-jeff....audrey bumped the booty music and me her and judy were dancing and humping the chairs.!! ahahhahah FUN.!!!!!!! "Sally, phew that girl.!!" the dance twas dooooooope.!! i had fun...but dude... i got soo tired towards the end... i was sitting down a lot. I got to dance w/ two people that I wanted to dance with. yeah, Ivy's happy. Then afterwards...we were supposed to go to some girl Rhea's debut... Janice went.!! booger, she didn't tell me. but yeah...i think it was too late already...then I was trying to get directions to this girl Francesca's party..but my friend couldnt' remember the street name. so whatever. Ryan dropped me off at home around 12:45. I "went to sleep" & snuck out at 2ish. Ryan and aud picked me up & off to Gabe's house we went. Too bad there weren't any drinks...I wanted to drink. Blah... I just chilled a while...played video games... looked at pictures in Gabe's drawer...SIGH ....=/ Then I was such a dork..and i was playing his guitar pretending that i was some rock star...ahhahha..NERD.!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since a lot was on my mind and I wasn't doing anything productive...I started writing a letter...and I put it somewhere in Gabe's room where he'd one day find it. ahahhaha, i'm so tenarded.!! i'm slick yo.!!! yeah right... sucka.!!! I played mortal kombat w/ weena. freaking weena kept kicking my ass....ugh sucka.!! ahahhha shit yo.!!! then we tried to sleep. i was so uncomfortable though....and i wanted to leave...because gabe wanted to sleep...but aud and ryan were sleeping....they finally got up and we left...i got back in safely....went to sleep and i woke up at 2.....

Fell in love...found out first hand....went well for a week or two.....
..................................
Thn I started to realize, I was living one big lie....
She fucken hates me...trust, she fucken hates....
I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none & ripped them away...
..................................
SHE FUCKEN HATES ME.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that's my story, as you see....
I learned my lesson & so did she.
Now it's over & I'm glad,
Coz I'm a fool for all i've said..

SHE FUCKEN HATES ME.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i've heard that song so much lately...it's been in my head.!! narf....ahahhaha..it's a good venting song...coz if you're mad at something...you just yell out...I fucken hate _____ (fill in the blank w/ whatever/whoever). ahahahhaa my mom loves this song...she always sings along and dances to it. narf.!!!!!!!!! ahahha.....

blah blah blah....Kimber is soooo right...about parental units....read her BLOG.

"waddup looooooooooooooooc.!!!!"

2003-01-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

I'd treat you right if you'd let me.
I'll never let go unless you asked me.
I'm ready to give this kind of love a chance,
but I think that some are more ready than others.
I'm not your dream...
I'm not your nightmare...
I'm not even a lingering thought.
What am I to you?
I wish I knew...

*taken from cousin Kris' blog*

dude, i'm soo feeling that way right now. EACH & EVERY WORD. And some of you know who i'm talking about. some weird shit has came up the past week or two. some was good & some was sad. but today i decided. fuck it. i feel the way i do. and i'm not pushing away or further. i'm gonna act the way i've been acting. i'm gonna feel the way i've been feeling. nothing more, nothing less. whatever happens, happens.

2003-01-07T15:38:00.000-08:00

yo yo yo.....

well my weekend was pretty good. except for the loss of my grandma...sigh. i'll miss her.

mMmkay...so after i went to church on saturday morning, mark came over and we had a little chit chat. those are always the best. i love my cousin so much.!! -=)

then i went to kultura practice....

marvie, mocha, & mary pick me up from practice and we head over to kris' party. dude, i had oodles of fun. the pasta was yummy in my tummy. it was great dancing w/ the girlies. most of the time we were all just doing stupid shit. hahaha. it was good times yo.!!!! i felt good.

after the party ended, ryan, audrey, weena, and ramir drop me off at home around 11:30ish. then they picked me back up around one or two in the morning... hahaha...sneaking out yooo.!!! good stuff. shit...then in the car weena kept looking at me like THAT...fool.!! ahahah... we got to gabe's house. CHILLED. people read books & i was trying to play the guitar. cool beans. then geron and kevin and them all left...leaving me, oat, weena, ramir, ryan, audrey, and gabe....i played mortal kombat on PS2 w/ oat and ramir. shoot. i was kicking their asses. ahahah well only like twice. damn.!! then i fell asleep. and we all went home at around 5-6ish. oOOoh girl.!!

on sunday, my cousins picked me up and we went to our tita's house for the prayer service for our nanay. it's sad because my tita's brother on the other side of the family died the same day. man, what's up. =/ it was good to see the family again though. i barely see my dad's side. and i was happy to be chillen w/ them. then i left & went to a dance performance in rosemead. it was alright. then i went home, talked on the phone, watched some tv, ate, and slept.

break's over. damn. a lot of stuff happened. weeeeeeeeird stuff. oh man.

i got soo close to my twin. i love her w/ all of my heart. aij;awejf;awt;awjrf;awjiagj;atji;ejf;iajf;jfdklsfjl;asdjvk....

school sucks already. poopoo in its face.!!!

2003-01-04T13:41:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Tala Ocampo
We'll miss you, Nanay...

my regards to Jana's family for the loss of her uncle.

Today's just a sad day -=/

2003-01-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

it's a brand new year.!!! yeaaaaaaaaaah, sucka.!!!! -=)

i miss judeeeeeeeeeeeee.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dammit, she won't be back until forever.!!! ahhhh...how sad, my christma present for her is all lonely under my tree. actually it's w/ marvie, kimber, and kevin's presents...narf.!!! i love christmas man.!! it's not over yet.!!!!!! i still have to buy some presents for some peoples. damn, i lag so much.!!! ehhhh....

okay so yesterday i didn't do much. i was supposed to go out and watch a movie w/ my mom, but we rented some movies and watched 'em at home instead. then marvie, ramir, and wayne came over. we watched lord of the rings and ate all the food in my kitchen. ahahhah marvie's so punny.!!!! we're just a couple of crazy girls.!!! i know that some people may find it weird or even annoying...but hey.!!! it's all fun...and ramir thinks it's funny.!!! kekekeke....so yeah...they left and went to darryl's house....i wanted to go, but it was too late for me to go out and play...

i talked to my sisters last night. ahhhh.!!! ahahhahah i swear...those girls man. and what the hell is wrong w/ me.?!?!? i'm soooo gay.!!!!! i need some action guys.!!! i need to be bad to the bone.!!! i have to walk on the wild side...just like mica.!!! ahahahahahh...oh man...that girl..tsk tsk.

then a tad bit of excitement/panic went down at around 3 am....oh man...that was some weird stuff man. but i love my twin.!!!! anything for her, because i know she'd do the same for me. although she got ME a little worried. sheesh.!!! ehhh...and some other stuff that i'd rather not think about. it just makes me blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

all good, i talked to rameeer for a while last night. ahahahh...he was using darryl's telephono. highlight of conversatio: cartoons.
whatever happened to the good cartoons.?! the OG ones...like darkwing duck and mupphet babies and teenage mutant ninja turtles and etc. those were the days. it's sad to see how cartoons nowadays are completely dull. it lacks imagination. rescue heroes.?! what the hell is that.? how sad for the present youth. they'll never know the joy of CLASSIC cartoons. hahahah...

MOMMY LOVES YOU TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2002-12-31T14:43:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of 2002....

Damn, this year everything has happened. Everything good & everything bad.

But shit yo.!!! I'm happy it did.!! I couldn't be any happier with WHO i am now.!!! yeah, sucka.!!!

let's recap and send some love out.....

Gabe.... I don't need to say anything, because everything between us will always be in our memories. Thank you for everything.
Marvie...twintwin.!!! damn, i love you.!! you know i do. i lab you soo much. you're my silly other half. only you could understand our twin language. thanks for being there when things weren't looking up. i haven't felt a strong friendship like this in so long. awwww.!! ifjiajfoaijefajrio;ufiqj4hjzofgvbu;w34jto;u...... ELEPHANT.!!!!!!!
Kimber....keeeeeeem....i lab you.!!! boba sister.!!! thanks for always listening to me rant and rave about anything and everything. It's good to know that I have a friend who knows me so well...ALL sides of me...the good and bad. oh shit we got into a fight this year. hahaha... i'm soo happy that we've overcome obstacles and stayed good friends after all these gajillion years.
Melissa .... you've left me and gone to frisco...but it's all good. we're still best friends and always will be. i love you girl.!!!
Kevin...my eating partner.!!! If there's ever a person who can make me feel good and happy no matter what's going on...it's you. Thanks for being the funny and understanding guy you are. Itchiban & Star Wars....nothing gets better than that yo.!!!
Albert, Brandon, Karla, Christina .... my La Salle homies.!!! You guys make school easier.... i swear if it wasn't for you guys...I'd hate going to that place every day. It's dope talking to and chillen w/ you all. you guys rock.
Mark.... oh man....my best family in the whole wide world. i love you sooo much. and you've ALWAYS been there for me. and we fought for the first time.!! OHANA MARK.!!!!! i'll never ever forget you. i look up to you in soo many ways, and you've been a motivation for a lot of things in my life....most obviously: confirmation. if it wasn't for you....I wouldn't have become a leader, and I wouldn't be where I am now... Thank you for being exactly who you are. -=)
RayRay.... I've only known for a few months, but I love you without a doubt. You're the one person I could relate to about my "problems" and "conflicts". We rock & we're on top of the world. No one can bring us down....not even a million billion haters. They just love us man.!!!
The Usuals ... you all should know if you're one of them. damn this year was dope.!!! we have to go to hawaii.!!!!!!!! Chillen with all of you has been soo much fun.
Confirmation Leaders & Students....Thank you for inpiring me to overcome difficulty and see the beauty of life. Knowing you guys has strengthened my faith. That's so awesome. You guys are sooo "BEAUTIFUL".!!!!!!!! =)
Ian ....thanks for the good times.
Kultura family.... you guys are my family. enough said. It's only obvious how much you guys mean to me.
Mocha .... babee.!! you're my mini me.!!!!!!! ahhahahha... dude... you're turning out just fine. just like your mommy.!!! yay.!!! i'm soo proud of you -=) i love you mochaaaaaaaa.!!!!
Abby .... lover.!!!!!!! dude, you understand like no other when it comes to the subject of boys.!!!!! ahhhhh....it's okay we have each other. i love you mach lover.!!!
to my little ones (cammy, ika, etc) i love you guys..!!!! i'm here if you need me.!!
Judy, Audrey, Weena, Etc. It's been dope chillen w/ you guys more towards the end of this year. next year will rock even more.!! JUDY, you're RAD...and ARIEL rocks.!!!!

and of course.....

my iMiJJ sisters (Jana, Mica, Jill) ..... i swear you guys are more than best friends. I will love you guys forever.!!! there are no other people who I can trust as much as you guys. You guys know me from front to back...you know all there is to know about me..... and despite the bad things, you love me.!!!! Nothing can ever break the bond we have. we're sisters dammit.!!! you guys are the bestest friends and family anyone could ask for. it's all about the *iMiJJ SISTERHOOD*

okay, i'm tired now....if i forgot anyone...i'm really sorry.!!!!!!!!! but you should know if i love you....

everyone have a safe new year's eve.!!! take care.....oh shit yo.!!! 2003 is coming.!!!! woohoo -=)

2002-12-30T13:37:00.000-08:00

okay kiddos, i decided to put a moratorium on my tagboard. For you uneducated haters, that means it is being temporarily suspended. If you still have shit to say, then you should know how to contact me. If messages were left on my tagboard only because it's public, then you my friends were only doing it for the attention. Too bad i ruined it for you. I hope to be hearing from you soon. It'll ensure even more how much you care about me -=)

I will put the tagboard back up when I feel that enough time has passed for these children to grow up. Damn folks, that may be quite a while.

That's all for now. I love my friends. You guys rock my socks.

2002-12-27T22:44:00.000-08:00

Dammit its Ray: AHAHA!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: what
Dammit its Ray: Hey, those people are stupid..
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: why what hpaphenend
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: did they tag again
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahah
Dammit its Ray: The ones that keep hitting up your blog..
Dammit its Ray: It's really gay..
Dammit its Ray: YEAH!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: LOL
Dammit its Ray: AAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Dammit its Ray: THEY'RE LOSERS IVY!!
Dammit its Ray: I'M GLAD YOU DON'T CARE!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: dude i think it's one of ian's friends
Dammit its Ray: I DO TOO!!!
Dammit its Ray: BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING!!!
Dammit its Ray: WHAT IF IT TURNED OUT TO BE IAN!!!!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahah
Dammit its Ray: LMAO!!!!!!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: then that's pathetic...
Dammit its Ray: LIKE HE SEEMED SINCERE IN HIS BLOG... BUT STILL YOU KNOW..
Dammit its Ray: He's probably bitter..
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i swear man....it flatters me that they take the time to say such things to me
Dammit its Ray: I think it is..
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: perhaps
Dammit its Ray: Did you ask him?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: no
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i don't talk to him
Dammit its Ray: AHAHA!
Dammit its Ray: I KNOW!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i'd rather not....it's not anything i'd want to get into
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i swear...i feel like i'm in seventh grade again
Dammit its Ray: I LOVE THE FEELING WHEN PEOPLE BUILD ITES ABOUT ME TO TALK SHIT!!!
Dammit its Ray: IT' HAPPENED ALOT!!
Dammit its Ray: EXACTLY!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahah
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: damn ray...we rock...
Dammit its Ray: THIS IS SO STUPID!
Dammit its Ray: I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dammit its Ray: AHAHAHHAHHA!!!!!!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: wouldn't that be sad if it was one of IAN's friends
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: it's like...HELLO>...not your break up buddy....get your own life
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: stupid fools
Dammit its Ray: What if it's taht Katrina girl?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: Karina?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: neah...i doubt it..i don't think she's like that
Dammit its Ray: Hmm..
Dammit its Ray: what if it's ,,,
Dammit its Ray: I think it's someone Ian knows for sure..
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: yeah..obviously....
Dammit its Ray: But does he have friends that would do it for him?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and they refer to me as BI POLAR.!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh maaaaaaaan...that's comedy
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: how ignorant can these people be...
Dammit its Ray: I think it's the same person over and over again !!
Dammit its Ray: THEY HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES~!!!
Dammit its Ray: WHOA!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahhahahhahahah
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: they love and hate me...
Dammit its Ray: i know!!!!!!
Dammit its Ray: ahahhahaha !!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: wooohoo.!!
Dammit its Ray: How funny..
Dammit its Ray: It's amusing actually..
Dammit its Ray: Just to see what they have to say..
Dammit its Ray: They read every little thing that you have to say..
Dammit its Ray: How nice.
Dammit its Ray: They care.. I'm sure.
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: damn rayray.!! i'm on top of the world.!!!!1
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahahha
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i'm famous
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: NARF.!!!!!!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: aifjawei;jf;iawejf;aeirtjfaeirj;aiejf;iaj ahahahahhaha
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: bloop bloop bloop bloop......
Dammit its Ray: AAHAHAH!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: kekeke
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and how FUCKING STUPID>.....some people don't just TAKE PILLS FOR BIPOLAR DISEASE...
Dammit its Ray: They're robably really young.
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: shit get the fucking information straight before you try to talk shit
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: or else they'll end up looking STUPID
Dammit its Ray: Exactly.
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: god people are so duuuumb
Dammit its Ray: NARF.
Dammit its Ray: LOL!
Dammit its Ray: STUPID STUPIDS!!
Dammit its Ray: LOL, have those children IMed you online yet?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: nope
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahhaha i used to do that
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: shit i was such a loser.!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahah i still am...but thank God i don't do that shit anymore
Dammit its Ray: When they do email me the convo.. I love laughs.
Dammit its Ray: Yeah, I did that too.. LMAO!!!!!!!!!
Dammit its Ray: WE'RE COOL !!!!!!!
Dammit its Ray: SERIOUS!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: LOL
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahhahahhaghag

2002-12-27T14:39:00.000-08:00

so i've had a pretty good past two days....

on Christmas Eve.... frank came over to get his present. ahhh he's gay.!! ahahah i don't think he liked it. kay and then Mark came to pick up his present and i ended up going with him to midnight mass. i spent it w/ marvie and jason. hehehe... mMmkay...then i went home and went w/ my mom to my Tito Ray's house..i saw risa and tanya...i haven't seen risa in like forever, but we didn't really talk. ehhh...

on Christmas Day I woke up and went to my Tita Arleen's house in northridge. I called Justin and Rayray to say Hi and Merry Christmas... yeah..then i was SUPPOSED to get picked up there by Frank to go meet his family. but my mom wouldn't let me...so she dropped my off at Audrey's house...talked and chilled w/ Aud and Judee for a little bit...then i was suppsoed to go w/ them to watch a movie...but Frank picked me up from there and we went to his house and met the family...then went to see some guy who live in a tree...signed a petition...he took me home....

day after christmas....i woke judy up at 9...went back to sleep. ...judy woke me up at 11... i cleaned my room, folded laundry, and got ready....marvie picked me, abby, and ramir (rj) up. ahahahha...man...me and abby got ramir's niece mad when we tried to play w/ her toys.!! ahahah... then we went to the mall..damn talk about crowded.!!! we finally found a space...and then me and ramir ate...marvie and abby came back.... we started our shopping... FUCK.!!!! i have to stop borrowing things... marvie is slowly starting to help me...and rj said he'll help me.. Mmmkay....then blah blah..more shopping...finally got to marketplace and ate panda... then twin twin left...me judy weena abby and ramir saw ryan and oat.... chilled...ab judee and weena left...i was left w/ the guys...my mom got mad at me for not coming home. i was feeling whatever...so i said fuck it and i bought a ticket to watch lord of the rings AGAIN...went to borders w/ rj....he got me a book of emily dickinson poems.!!!!! OH SHIT.!!! he made my day.!!! =) i love her sooooooo much... mMmkay...and then...we watched it...ramir kept doing the smeagle (sp?) voice...ahahahah..funny shit...because we both already saw it before....

AHHHHH ORLANDO BLOOM IS FUCKEN HOTT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.!!!! he gives me a boner.!! ahahahahhaah

you know who else is hot.!??!?! ahahhaha...shhh, it's a secret...but yeah...judy, abby, aud, and marve know.!!! woohoo....

blah, my mom took my cell phone away. my bill was so high....so was franks.!! -=X damn.

DAMN THAT JUSTIN.!!!!!!!! he makes me soo angry. why do people do so much drugs.!?!?! oh well....he's gay.!!!! he doesn't care about his real friends.

2002-12-25T04:15:00.000-08:00

who has the best cousin in the world.?? I DO.!!!

Mark couldn't have said it any better....thanks cowseen.!!! you rock my socks

(from Mark's Blog) ..................

I didn't want to have to start Christmas like this, but I felt the need to say something...

It irks me to know that there are people out there who judge people by the mistakes one makes. Obviously everyone has flaws, but the fact that someone else picks at them, makes a person feel insecure. People often agree on what they have seen about someone while never really getting to know the person. Mindless sheep...they can't even think for themselves so they speak and think for others.

People can be so narrow-minded when it comes to viewing people. It's even worse when one thinks he/she has the right to tag others with inapproriate terms merely because they heard it from a not-so-dependable source. Judging people has nothing to do with maturity. It's all about selfishness. It's selfish to assume that someone is subordinate to yourself...the only reason one would think so lowly of another is boost their already failing ego. People can be so consumed in other people's business and really forgets who they are.

I know better than to pick the wounds and flaws of others...It's difficult enough for me to face my own flaws. I have no right to meddle in someone else's life in that manner. No one does. Why not accept the fact that people make mistakes and they can hurt people too?

Everyone makes mistakes. Most mistakes have to occur multiple times just so one can learn from it.

Don't tell her to open her eyes...close yours and reflect on yourself first. Not being able to recognize & embrace their own flaws is the biggest imperfection one can have.

2002-12-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

shit my head hurts.... i didn't even drink a lot. ahahah i don't even need my stupid neck brace shit.

i love my twintwin.

to the person who was just being honest... that's very nice you think that way. next time you want to say something, try leaving a name. if you're so intent on giving your opinion, why not have the decency to let people know who you are. that way we know if you know me well enough for those reasons to be valid.

oh, and don't worry... i won't hurt myself. because you obviouly don't know that i've become much better than before. next time, be honest w/ yourself and criticize what you need to fix in your life. BUT THANK YOU FOR BEING HONEST AND CARING SO MUCH ABOUT MINE.!! really -=)
it's people like you that make me wanna become better.

oh shit, let's not get 20 million people getting all rowdy and stirring up a commotion. let's go leave anonymous messages on tag boards... come to think of it...i've seen some really really pathetic shit. c'mon now, we should all just be friends and make the world a better place... hahaha....

whatever...

and if i do try too hard and i am annoying....WELL THANK GOD FOR THAT.... I like the way I am. even if it includes such extremities. -=)

2002-12-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

Good Morning.!!!!

Mmkay..let's start with friday. I had my econ final, and i think i did pretty okay....

then i went home and finished most of my english portfolio... went to go pick up karla...we to school then rite aid then christina's house. where we took forever getting ready and i kept on messing up my nails.!! ahahahha. and my hair came undone by the end of the night because there wasn't enough hair spray but that's okay.

so Karla and I are running late and we speed through pasadena, and these guys think that we're racing them so they keep going faster than us, and we're like what the fuck.!? so we're like cussing and screaming because we're late and these stupid fuckers think we're racing them. ahahhaha..what losers.

kay...i get home and get ready in like 10 minutes. Frank comes. then Ira and Melissa come...and then we go pick up karla....then we go to old town and eat at Louise's Tratoria. I think that's how you spell it. OH MAN...ira is fucken hilarious.!!!!! he's soooo funny.!!!!! ahahahah...MMmkay. we get to the dance, and we wait for the rest to come so we can sneak 'em in. So it was marvie, krista, krystal, geron, gabe, and didoo. and they just walked right in. and we had fun dancing and what not. frank and ira weren't dancing.!! boOO..!!! i think we're too weird for them. haahah.. so yeah...me and frank took FOREVER taking our couple picture because yeah...ahahahha...damn... okay and then the group pic w/ only me, mar, geron, and frank...we're soo gay.!! we were holding christmas tree balls...ahahahah.!!! narf.!!! mMkay...so at the end of the dance... this bitch that's as junior talks shit to gabe. and we're all like WHAT THE FUCK...so me and rosa go up to her and rosa starts yelling at her. and i tried to jump in..ahahah..but me being the woose that i am....i kinda just stood there and got scared...man.!! i need to get some balls. ahahhaha.. so yeah....i pulled yosa away....and later on marvie said that he wanted to go w/ us and be mean too...ahah next time.!!!! and we can look at people who are so in touch w/ nature.!!! neener, neener. eheheheheh.....MmMKay...so then the dance ended...and it was okay....me and karla were supposed to go to adam's palfy's party. buuuuut...ira wanted to go home, and frank did too...so we didn't end up going....so blah.!!!! whatever....then me and frank dropped karla off...and we drove around and he gave me a present....

OHhHHhh man.!!!!!!! frank is the best.!!!!!!! i swear, he's such a loser.!! ahahahha he makes me smile.!! thanks buddy.!! MMmkay..it started out when he picked me up....because he was playing punk in the car....and they were all the songs that i loved....and i'm like..what the hell..how did he know i love these songs.?!?!?! you know...??? so that made me laugh and smile....and then....he had a bunch of things in this box...he gave me a batman action figure...because batman's my FAVORITE and he's known that since freshman year...and yeaaah.!!! ahhhhh...batman's cool. then he got this patch i wanted from hot topic..it says DORK... woohoo.!! and he got me two stickers. one says... "I <3 Dorks" and the other says "I leave bite marks" ....ahahah because i bite people so much...haaaaaaahaha....and then he gave me a box of nerds candy...because he says i'm a nerd.!!! ahahahahah.....and then he gave me a penny and a nickel.....yoooou know....penny for your thoughts and a nickel for a kiss... but dude...how sad, because i didn't give him either. lol.....oh well.!!!! but yeah.!!!!!

THANKS FRANK. YOU ROCK LIKE WOW.

he's such a cool buddy. and nOooOoo...some people think we like each other...but nope...i swear..it's just one of those things where we understand each other....because i talk to him about stupid things an stupid people.!!! i'm happy....i have someone to talk to that's just a friend...it's what i've always wanted...like how me and james used to talk all the time.!!! awwwww....i miss jamie..my best friend.!!!! ahhhh...

sooo anyways

Saturday I wake up and i call mica....we decide to go to the mall.....I don't want to really think about what happened...so let's just say... i fucked up. i got into an accident..i fucked up the front of my car. and my back and neck got injured so i have to wear a neck brace for a couple of weeks. blah.!!!!

oh well....my twin twin is gonna take me to go out and play...yay.!! i lab my twintwin...;arj;q39aurf;aejfo;aajo;4itjao;fjaio;wjf;oajfo;a....

damn, i am going to have some fucken awesome kids.!!!! i want one.!!!!!!!!! ahahahhaha....damn. so cute so cute. hurry give me one.!!

2002-12-19T16:10:00.000-08:00

i have one more final and then i'm through.

Tomorrow is winter formal. i'm excited. does anyone wanna come w/ me.?? i want my twintwin and lover to come with me, so we can carry out our plans of finding hott white guys.!! ahahahahha.....fo' sho' yo.!!!!

speaking of my lover....ABBY.!! it's funny how she knows how i feel about things. but yeah... when i talk to her..i feel like she knows what i'm feeling. and i just wanna let her know that i love her.!! i love you lover.!!! hahaha...and dude... you're super uber special to me and all your friends. boys.?? ewwwL.!! who needs them.?? we can just pick up some hotties, use & abuse them...and them dump them. ahahahha just kidding.!!! we both know who we love. i still feel horrible. i felt a pinch of what he felt. damn, i suck.!!! -=/ ahhh well, we have each other. MUAH.!!!

these are the rare times when i truly feel like i have "real" friends. MARVIE is the bestest twin ever. i swear, if it weren't for her, God knows what I'd be doing or what would've happened to me. same goes for KIMBER. both my sisters help me see that some things just aren't worth stressing over.

so i guess it's time to blog about my breakup with ian. ehhhh... yes, i am a very confusing person. but hey...the way i see it...it's better to let it go than to keep lying to yourself. i didnt want to keeping on going with something i wasn't sure of. i guess i don't regret anything. everything happens for a reason. and whatever happens to him, i hope it's for the best. i really don't think we were meant to be together. but you know...for the most part it was cool. i guess that's all i have to say about that.

usually, after a break up with somebody, i'll linger around and wait for some new guy to start talking to.....

BUT....

right now i HONESTLY hate boys. well, that's being too harsh. i hate relationships. i have such animosity towards it all. there's just way too much. no wonder everyone doesn't really want a relationship lately. but in the words of Abby...you tell yourself you don't want it..but there are just those times when you want it. something like that. and it's true. but whatever.!!!!!

hi ika dear.!!!!!!!! thanks soo much for you little e-mails this week. they helped make my days a little bit better. you rock my socks -=)

2002-12-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

2002-12-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

"Deep Inside Of You"
by Third Eye Blind

When we met, light was shed
Thoughts free flow
You said you've got something
Deep inside of you

A wind chime voice sound
Sway of your hips round rings true
It goes deep inside of you

These secret garden beams
Changed my life, so it seems
A fall breeze blows outside
I don't break stride, my thoughts are warm
And they go deep inside of you
Oh yeah

And I never felt alone, alright
Oh oh, till I met you

Friends say I've changed
I don't listen 'cuz I live to be
Deep inside of you

Slide of her dress
Shouts in darkness, I'm so alive
I'm deep inside of you

You said, "boy make girl feel good"
But still, deep inside
Still

I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
And then I met you
And I'd know what to do
If I just knew what's coming

I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my people if I could find them
And I'd say that I'm sorry to you
I'm sorry to you

And I don't want to call you
But then I want to call you
'Cuz I don't want to crush you
But I feel like crushing you, and it's true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me

But we were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know

Something's gone, you withdraw
And I'm not strong like before
I was deep inside of you

I can go nowhere
I burn candles and stare
At a ghost deep inside of you

And some great need in me
Starts to bleed
I've lost myself, there's nothing left
It's all gone
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you

i listen to that song at least 5 times a day.

2002-12-10T16:14:00.000-08:00

wooohoo.!! that's right folks, i definitel fit the role for bubbles.!!! and surprisingly marvie fit it for buttercup.!!! and i bet you anything kimber will get blossom. c'mon now...we're THE bobapuff sisters...shooooot.

2002-12-08T12:09:00.000-08:00

"It's not worth it." - Anonymous

i seriously think there is something wrong with me. when it comes to guys & boyfriends, it's as if i have a repellant. but it doesn't take effect in the beginning. at first everything's all fine and dandy. then BAM.!!! next thing you know, i've pushed them away. And I know it's pretty much always my fault. I just can't keep a guy. Why.? Because I'm a horrible girlfriend. I have mood swings and I'm so complicated and blah blah blah.!!!!!!!

So last night I came to a realization. Everything that people have said about me is true. Well...some or most of it. I can't keep a boyfriend. My mom calls me indecisive. My friends are making bets that I won't stay single for more than a month. Yeah, it's funny and I laugh with them. but seriously...has it really come to that.?? where they have to make bets about my status.?? How predictable could i be.? And watch....If I start talking to another guy, people are going to be talkng their trash behind my back...as if i don't know it. and what pisses me off is that...i'd rather them just tell me. Shit, if i knew a girl that was like me I'd be like..."what the fuck".... But the one thing I know I'm not a "player" or whatever you wanna call it. It's not my intention to get with a guy and then find a new one. AND NO! I AM NOT HEARTLESS. just because i can move on quickly (or so it seems) it doesn't mean that i don't care about him anymore. so to the people who think i'm fucked up, go ahead. because i know that my close friends know what's up.

i was talking to kimber one night and it dawned on me....RUNAWAY BRIDE IS SOOOOO MY MOVIE. it depicts everything about me. if you don't know what it's about then go watch it.

and don't you hate those people that try to dictate your lives.?? and it's like...Well, Ivy, you should be like this...like that... try being like this...dadadadada...OR ... yeah... i'm only saying this because i care and because it's true...blah blah...i already know how i'm like.

SO FUCK IT. IF I TALK TO ANOTHER GUY, THEN SO BE IT. I TALKED TO ABBY ABOUT THIS. I JUST WANNA DATE GUYS. NONE OF THAT SERIOUS SHIT ANYMORE BECAUSE IT SUCKS TO FALL INTO THAT. AND THAT'S MY BAD FOR DOING IT. SO WHATEVER. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. ME AND ABBY ARE GONNA GO FIND SOME HOTT BOYS AND HAVE OODLES OF FUN.!!! HUH, LOVER.!!!!

Well, I really don't know what's going to become of me and my boy status now or in the near future. I guess we'll just have to see if my friends will lose the bet or not.

2002-12-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

i tried to meditate today. i almost fell over from falling asleep. what a dork.

2002-12-01T12:28:00.000-08:00

wow, yesterday was a whole jumble of _______ (i can't find the right word).

i woke up yesterday from a dream i had about kaka. i swear it's so weird...it's like the second dream i've had concerning this person. and in both dreams it was like....so real, so reminiscent. And when I wake up, I wanna tell somebody, but I can't. The only person who I could tell is Rayray....because she's really the only person who knows how i feel about all this. And when I do talk to her about it, I can't help but think. And it's nothing bad; it's nothing wrong. And then Rayray tells me things that make me soo.... __________ i dunno. haha. i'm so gay. WELL I GUESS THE WORLD WILL NEVER KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS. IT'S SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE KEPT TO MYSELF & TO RAYRAY OF COURSE.!! SIGH...AAAAAAHHH

mmMmkay...so yesterday i had an awesome thanksgiving leftover meal w/ my bobapuff sisters. awww, i love them so barry mats.!! oh man... i can't belive i ate a pig.!!! ewwwwwwwwL.!!! ahhhhh. shame on me. that's it..no more pork for me. ahahah you should have seen me and marvie. we were all grossed out after eating the ham. jeepers.!!! Mmmkay..then we went to old town to get some boba and buy my pumas from neo 39. gosh, we wanted so many shoes.!! ahahah...i finally got my brown pumas w/ the 3 velcro straps. AND GUESS WHAT KIMBER & MARVE ARE GONNA BUY ME FOR CHRISTMAS.!!!!!! GREEEEEEEEEEN DIESEL SHOES.!!!!! OH SHEEEEEEET.!!!! AHHHH I'M SO HAPPY DAPPY. i already got part of marvie's gift...i need to go get/make kimbers. blah blah blah....yeah...i swear...i hate guys.!!! well the bastos ones.!! at old town they would give me, mar, and kimber these looks...and it was disgusting...like ewL.!!!! and i was waling to starbucks by myself to get tissue (i'm sick!! ) and yeah...this guy walked right up to me and wouldn't let me pass...and he was like.."heeeeeey....excuuuuse meeee" and all smiling like some psychotic cradle robber. freeeeaks.!!! ehehehe...then we were leaving and i realized i forgot my umbrella at urban. so we drove there...and i was singing and screaming out the window and waving to people. haha. gosh, people these days, they don't wave back. so then me and kim ran all over urban looking for my umbrella and left empty handed. i called bobaworld.... Lo & behold.!! my umbrella was there. ahahhaha.

kay...i was supposed to go to some party in west co. last night... but i wanted to hang out w/ best friend melissa. it was supposed to be me, rayray, melissa, jon rex, ira, frank, and vince i think.?? but nooooo....rayray had to be home early and the others...i dunno what happened.?!?! and plus i was sorta sad/pissed off about something so i wasn't in the mood to really do anything. it was too late to go to the party because my friends had already left. okay..so i felt sooooooo third wheel with ira and melissa, so i called up ian to see where he was at and i met him up. i got bored and i was tired so he took me home.

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD.!!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE AVOID YOUR CALLS.!?!??!!??!!? SHET.!! but yeah... i kept calling and texting this person because i was upset about something and i wanted to clear it up. it's like...what the hell...all i wanted was the truth and for him to be straight up with me. AND DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU THINK ONE WAY, AND THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT IT WAS ALL FAKE. but yeah..... i THOUGHT something was one way, but it really wasn't. and SERIOUSLY... i don't care. so i explained to him what i thought and how i felt & it turned out that he thought the same thing too. seeeeeeeee.!! all we needed was to talk about it instead of avoiding the subject which made things weeeeeeeird. so after talking, we finally agreed on things and everything's all good now.

fuck, i can't find my glasses.!! i can't see anything.!!! i can see the computer..because it's right in front of me... but it's still kinda blurry.!!! it's because my room's so messy.!!!

2002-11-30T11:40:00.000-08:00

first of of all....

i LOVE MY RayRay.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she's just awesome.!!!!

kekeke. she woke me up this morning, and she said we were gonna see each other today. but i dunno if i can.!! for some reason, my mom's been major stricto on me.!!! i'm guessing it's because of the whole "cheating thing" last week. but yeah... i didn't go out last night.. me, marvie, and kimber were on 3 way the whole night -- talking about everything. geee...some friends we have.!!! ahahaha...kimber i dont' think you're self-centered.!! anyways...they're supposed to come here later and eat my thanksgiving leftovers.!! yaaaay...we're giving marvie a thanksgiving.!! woohoo.

so yeah....i got through this week alive. without shooting myself. ahahaha...i applied online on thrusday...finally i got that out of the way. phew.!!!

anyways...i've been feeling really really BLEH. and i'm sorry to Nerd for being really distant... things are just ... overwhelming.

SiGH.

yet despite these things, there has been a light to this week. my best friend melissa came down from frisco for thanksgiving. awwww, i caught up with her a little bit last night. yay.!! i love her so much.!! i swear i can talk to her about ANYTHING.!!!!!!!!! she's the best. only she can understand some things about me that no one else will. because if i tell others, they'll just judge & criticize & sip on the haterade. aahahha... but not melissa.!!! because she rocks my socks. and then i had a good talk with my daughter cammy. it's weird how there are some people in your life who go through the exact same thing you do. well, cammy, i love you and i'm here if you ever need to talk about "stuff". no worries. hakuna matata. i'll be your mommy.!!! and i'll say no to you ahahhah..

i miss my iMiJJ sisters. i haven't spent quality time with them in a while. boo.!!!! -=(

i've been thinking about marissa lately. maybe i shoud call her up & catch up with her.

well, happy thanksgiving vacation to you and yours.!! gobble gobble.!! kkekekke...

2002-11-25T03:04:00.000-08:00

i really think that school is out to get me and screw me in the ass....really.

what can i say.?? i've said it too many a time... I HATE SCHOOL. w/ a fiery passion.!! i'm screwed this week.!! blah blah blah.

1) i haven't written the third draft for my college essay....
2) which is so likely of me since UC APPLICATIONS ARE DUE THIS WEEK.!!!!!!!!!!
3) Monday - MicroEcon Honors Test
4) Tuesday - AP Chemistry Test
5) Wednesday - AP Calculus BC Test & Business Project for Econ is due
6) All of that plus homework.!!!!

thinking over all of that....i wonder whether sleep will be a part of my schedule this week.
could somebody please shoot me.?? really. so that I don't have to go to school. shoot me in the hand or something.

if that shit isn't enough to stress me out, last week i cheated on my Calculus test and got in trouble for it. Yeaup, second time in my four years of high school. Thank God they're letting me get away with it. Last time they said that I'd get expelled if I cheated again. whatever. school sucks. if you wonder WHY i cheated...it's essentially because i don't learn jack shit in my calculus class. no one ever helps me which pushes me towards desperation to have to resort to cheating. i mean..yes, i've cheated many times before...but not really in math.. and nowadays.... it's difficult to cheat i calc since i can't understand anything.!!! ahhhh...

so my last progress report GPA was a 3.5 ... SIGH.!!! it's probably even lower now. i'm starting to lose hope.

as a result of my cheating and low grades, my mom gave me no choice but to retire from the sdym confirmation program. despite my arguments and pleas, she refused to give in. BUT.!! at least she's not making me give it up entirely. she said that I can go back when I bring my grades up, so I'm going to work myself extra super duper hard.!!! Gosh, I feel so bad because I feel like i'm letting my group down and my co-leaders. hopefully they'll understand -=/

i really need this thanksgiving break...just to reflect over everything.

i asked nerd for space. i really didn't want to, but for real... i soo need it. everything is soo freakin' overwhelming. blah.!! don't worry flower.!!! you still rock my socks. dolphin poo.!!!!

well darn... my weekend was unproductive. it sucked my ass. (side thoguht:I cuss too much & I have a very dirty mouth. shame on me. I should try to reform this unruly habit.)

2002-11-18T23:04:00.000-08:00

I was looking for something in my room, when I came across the best birthday present I've ever gotten....

"Fragrance of Flowers"
by Gabriel Guerrero

I remember seeing you standing and even your silhouette intimidated my ability to speak. I felt weak or no, my eyes were under a magnetic force where they would repel dazed (?) upon contact. for my sight was not worthy of your beauty. For those who knew me, I would see the opposite sex as banal and wasn't searching for the world "love". But nevertheless you turned that rusty machine called a heart t start up again. That furtive machine had grown tervoy (?) but you preempted i with a "hello". was it love that i had encountered or was it some sort of renaissance? I felt like an old car that was cleaned and polished to look brand new. Yes, I was that little kid looking thorugh the window forhat desired object. Only i had seized it, no it gave itself to me. The opulent life is not having everything in the world because with happiness comes hurt. We have gone through that stag once or twicebut yo threw a lifesaver out to the water and brought me backto shore. Nevermore, I look upon the stars and gaze into a galaxy. I see your face and reassure (?) that your are not a fallacy. I strangle underwater longing for some air. Then I rise to the surface because you brought me there. A dream paradise no longer a mirage with a glut of emotions running through a mother board. Can't say how I feel 'cause words just can't contain the meaning. I wither away just at the thought of you leaving. Believing is seeing and seeing is believing. But sight has been decimated when you have touched me with a tear drop. A picture is worth a thousand words while yours is worth a million. A billion cells inside my body has transcripted a strand for you. You are my antibody when I have a flu of depression. Our souls clash together to make a single hybrid and as I close my eye lids, my eyes still see nothing. But I feel everything and my imagination runs wild like a seed's dispersal into the world by the wind.I think of you again then I end up in my subliminal world where I am free and robust. We travel to another place not on this planet but far out in the universe. Or we stay here and smll the fragrance of flowers and feel the vibrations sent from the earth. The earth thanks you for bringing up the sun with your smile ad the rain with your malaise.

But your face I never knew just how it came to be. But it's beautiful. Now I am thanking you for being beautiful to me.

2002-11-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

wow wow wow. so many things going through my head.....here let's list them.!!!

>Happy One Month Anniversary to my Nerd -=) i Loke you very muchose.!!!
>Ian gave me a dope ass present...that my two daughters helped him think of...eheheh... he got me this AWESOME shirt from urban outfitters that has those newpaper kids on it.. the "love is" ones...you know what i'm talking about.?!? yeah....it says..."Love is.. Rockin' my world!!" oh yesss.!!! ahahah..and then he framed a picture of us...and then gave me his baby shirt. how cute.!!!! yay.!!
>the Kultura Ball on friday was really super duper cool.!!! i had muchose fun with my family and friends.
>damn, i ate so much.
>i finally had full house.!!!! yaaaaaaaaaay... gOOd stuff.
>i drove all by myself on friday -=) wooohoo.!!! it's great...
>i spent last night (saturday) watching "Kissing Jessica Stein" w/ my Nerd. GOOD MOVIE.!! it's about bisexuality.!!! no wonder i loved it.!! ahaha..
>my mom said that she'll buy me a lot of clothes if i lose weight.
>i am sooooo dieting and working out now.. i promise.!! aHAHAHAHHA... DAMMIT.!! i'm sooo FAAAAT.!!! -=/
>i'm growing my hair out. i think i'm going to get bangs.?!! like alyssa milano.!!! hMm...yeah...
>i'm hungry.!! but i dunno for what.!!! i think i want some soup.!!!
>i miss my rayray.!!!

2002-11-12T00:28:00.000-08:00

OH SHIT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IVY GOT A CAR.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH.... WOOOHOO.!!!

A NEW 2002 CIVIC COUPE LX

I'M THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. YAY FOR ME =)

2002-11-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

on wednesday... me, marvie, jorge, and jason gave talks and sharings and what not at confirmation. wow, what a rush. i feel kinda tenarded though because i was totally prepared before class....and THEN....when i was giving the talk...i was blanking out and talking gibberish. i think i kept repeating the same things over and over again. dammit.!! ahaha..but i guess overall, it was cool -=)

friday i went to see 8 mile with the usuals/regulars. wow, i want to hump eminem all day long.!!! oh shet my hormones.!! teheheh....MMmkay..then after the movie....we were all at marketplace doing whatever, and i was fighting w/ ian on the phone....blah blah blah.... lots of gay shet.... damn, i felt like shet...and what was i doing.?? CRYING.!!! ahhh, i'm such a crybaby.... eehh... okay so then while i was at calypso, i looked out the window.... lo and behold there is ian....it got me even more agitated so i walked around brand blvd for a while..then came back....i ignored him...then at the end i felt so bad for being shady i let him take me home....blah blah blah....wow, it was very emotional.!!! dang... but yeah...ian stayed at my house for a while....he wouldn't leave until he felt that everything was okay....it took me a while to come around...but yeah....argh.!!!

i really think i've been on edge lately. i've been randomly snapping at my friends and my mom. sometimes i get mood swings out of nowhere. and blah.!!! it's just all this stupid college shet and my grades suck.!!! and my mom's been on my case more than ever about my weight. aweifj;aigj;aerg;ag;aj;gvbioajerg;jafio;dgjo;aj ..... so if i'm being really bitchy lately and mean...I'M SORRY.!!! i don't mean it.... bleh.!!

yesterday (saturday) my titas came over. one of them was selling stuff and she was doing her presentation for us. oh man. it's amazing what people sell these days. it was like this whole set of clothes that makes an entire wardrobe if you use different combinations. i was like... okaaay...they were ugly..but my mom bought some...i guess she felt bad. anyways. they left to go eat out at full house.!!! my mom didn't want me to go so i wouldn't eat.!! ahaha....then ian and allan picked me up from mi casa....we went to jules' house. OH SHET...jules taught me how to scratch some beats on the turntables.!!!!!!!!!!!!! whoa now.!!! i'm getting there....dJ ivyster.!!! ahahah...noOO.. dJ dorkalicious...i dunno whatever.. but yeah..it was so fun. and jules' sister makes the best pansit ever.!! yummm.. then me, ian, jana, joey, dex, and jason went to kultura practice. it was cool. the trainees were like...."hi ate yvette.!!!" awwww...how cute.!! ehehehe...and then we chilled for a while ...went to bobaworld in old town...we ate good food...yUmmM.!!! hainam fried chicken.!! GOOD STUFF....pad thai and pad see ew... yeaup... and milk tea blended w/ boba.!! woohoo... then we walked to urban outfitters and i got ian and joe some really rad wallets. then we strolled over to neo 39 where i found the new shoes i want.!! i was deciding between tan/brownish diesel shoes... or some grayish/brownish pumas... i think i'm going w/ the pumas so ian can get matching ones.!! ahahah...but yeah... i gotta go back there and get em. because they actually have a size FIVE in guys.!! yaaaaaaay....
then we went home. ... i love my two daughters. they rock my socks. -=)

here's a little something for your entertainment. please note that i was on crack (yeah right.! ahahah) ... nooOo..but yeah..i was hyper and being ooberly SILLY...

LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahah...anyways...yeah...i haven't been horny lately
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: LOL
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: kidding.!!
Tiiiimberrrr: AHHHHH
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: WAIT NO.!! YES I HAVE.!!!!! HORNY POR EMINEN.!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: OOPS EMINEM
Tiiiimberrrr: HAHAHA
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOoo
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOTTNESS AWIJR:EOIFJ:OEJF:IJG:JDGO:JIDRLGNW>:ADFOIG(UJEDGVJ
Tiiiimberrrr: well there u go
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: wow
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahh
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i'm thinking about him
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: mMMmmm
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: yummay
Tiiiimberrrr: ewwwl
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: eminem
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i want him to rap about me
Tiiiimberrrr: haha jus kiddin
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: shOOot.... i won't rap about him i'll RAPe him
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahha get it.!?!?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: akkaakkakakakakak
Tiiiimberrrr: DORKO
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i watched 8 mile
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and there was a part that was vile
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i can't hide my feelings, he makes my hormones smile
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: WOOHOO ahahhaha...
Tiiiimberrrr: LOL
Tiiiimberrrr: yeeeaaaaa...ur a dope rapper
Tiiiimberrrr: f*ck the free world
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: yesterday was saturday
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and it was really foggaaaay
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: the road was unclear....which made it hard to steer
Tiiiimberrrr: STAAAAAAAP
Tiiiimberrrr: jus kiddin
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: wow my rhymes are so phat
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: you can't deny that
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: because it's one true fact
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: that i am the best act
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ooohh shiet
Tiiiimberrrr: ahaha :-D
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: my words are so dynamic
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: it makes your mind hipnatic
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: with every other beat ....i build up w/ more heat
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i was riding on the bus
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: just like eminem
Tiiiimberrrr: really?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i saw a bunch of signs and my lyrics came from them
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: AHAHHAh
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh shit
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i'm so good
Tiiiimberrrr: hehehe
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i could...i would ....go pro like tiger woood
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ....sssss
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: but i'm not a preppy lad who dresses up in plaid
Tiiiimberrrr: HAHAHAH
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and damn i am so glad i'm not caught up in that whole fad
Tiiiimberrrr: that last line is funny
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i spit that, i spit this....yet despite all ya'lls diss...
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i'm the best in the west...ain't no one who can contest...
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: w/ MC DORKALICIOUS
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: yayuuuuuuuuuh ahahhahahah
Tiiiimberrrr: good name
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: i think imma save this convo
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and put it on my blog
Tiiiimberrrr: yes...those lines were bangin yo
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh hellz yah
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahhahahahah

2002-11-04T16:48:00.000-08:00

this weekend i went to the emergency room for yet another asthma attack.
silly me. i was dancing outside in jill's backyard and i got hot, so i took off my jacket despite the cold winds.
i went inside and BAM....i couldn't breathe. jana and my mom were holding me. and they got me to the car and we sped off to the ER.
so there i was on a bed with all these wires and shit on me and a breathing mask, and IAN WAS RIGHT BESIDE ME HOLDING MY HAND =) awwww.... i loke him very muchose. babee you rock.!!!

i feel rather accomplished today. i finished filling out my practice applications. all i have to do is write the final ones and do my essays. oh, and give my recommendations to some teachers. i am applying to:
>UCSB
>UCSC
>UCI
>LMU
>USF
>BU (Boston University.!!!!!)
i doubt i'm gonna apply to boston though....my mom said even if i get in, she won't send me there. so what's the use of applying right.?? some friends told me to screw that and just apply because as you all know....i've been dying to go to BU since last year.... BUT my dream school will only stay a dream.....

Buuuuuuut....hopefully i'll be going to the eastcoast w/ rosa-yosa during spring break.!! woohoo....

happy birthday to my sister jllian & my lucas buddy weena. love you guys.!! muah

2002-11-01T04:07:00.000-08:00

bleh.

it's 3:20 am & i just woke up to do my hwk. i have really horrble sleeping habits.!!!

i'm writing my next entry for my religion class. it has to be two pages, so if it's long...bear with me.

i think i speak for all seniors when I say that I AM TIRED. there's all this shit we have to deal with. college apps & school. if that isn't enough, we still must heed to friends and family. i suppose that we're all feeling so overwhelmed that the little things get to us. we are tired. we are agitated. if anything, it applies to me. the other day i was seriously going mad and crying because I didn't have my talk for confirmation fully prepared. I had to choose between my dance group and my church group...probably the two most important communities i'm involved in. and then i realized...i'm only one person, and i can only do so much. for so long, i've been the ultimate procrastinator. i put almost everything in my life off until the last minute thinking that I'll deal with it just fine since I always have in the past. Now I see that my method is beginning to fail me. Because I have put things off, my mind is on a million things. First -- college. I only thought of my prospective college in september. i only visited 3 campuses...once of which i know for a fact i won't get accepted. I didn't research on other colleges except the UCs because i was so determined that I'd make it into a UC. But now.... my confidence isn't as strong as it was sophomore year. For the past three and a half years, I've only done average academically. The reason this sucks is because my grades fall far below my potential. Whenever I'd finish a semester with a 3.6 -3.7, I'd simply tell myself to do better next time. I look at my transcript now...and shit.!!! i'm so disappointed. i really don't want to sound cocky because i'm not...but i know i'm one of those 3.7 students that could be getting a 4.0 if i put the time and effort into studying. i see the smartie people at school, and it's either one of two things: they are naturally gifted as a genius or they work super hard. i can't understand complex things easily. i have to focus and apply myself. And do i do it.? HA.!! yeah right. I have a really bad attitude where I think that..."I can put it off until the night before beause I know I'll off an A...the lowest a B-" ..... this mindset works for me most of the time, but i'm realizing in my harder classes..it's not. i'm getting C's and D's on quizzes, tests, and assignments. WHOA....big slap in the face.

So what happens now that I'm going to college? Honestly, I have no idea. I'm one of those people who get really excited and have plans for future things to come. Sometimes i follow through on it, but sometimes I don't. It all depends on how much effort I put into it. I mean... I feel like I am ready to go to college. I think I can face the challenges that lie ahead of me. But at the back of my mind... i'm scared that i'm going to end up a failure. I feel like I failed high school beacuse I'm not going to graduate knowing that I put my "all" in it. I don't want to finish college that way because then I'd feel like i've failed myself and my future. I know that I have to work hard, but it's so hard, me being the lazy person that I am. Well, it won't do me any good fretting about the future, so I have to focus on what I should do now. 1) mend things w/ mom 2) college applications 3) college esays 4) bring grades up 5) apply for scholarships 6) push to be a better leader at confimation 7) maintain friendships 8) practice harder and dedicate myself more at kultura.

MY MOTHER. out of all the years we have struggled against each other, the past year and a half have been the absolute worst. our relationship status goes up and down and up and down. i chide myself for wasting all this time on petty disagreements. I think that my mom and I are still living in past issues, and as much as we have tried to put it past us...somehow it always turns up again. It's probably like that because we both have really short tempers, and we're both stubborn. So one of us will get mad at the smallest thing, blow up about it, and bring up all this shit from the past. Then we'll hold a grudge for a while and not talk to each other. During our "space apart" .... i detest our relationship the most. Maybe not detest.... but I'm disappointed. I know that we both love each other more than anyone else in our lives.... she's the only one i've got and vice versa. So considering that she's the one true constant in my life, why do I persist on making things hard between us? The time we waste being mad at each other could be spent being happy together. And now that college is months away....I could be making the most of my time with her or I could keep things the way they are and finally get away from it when I leave. I know that I should mend thngs with her and make the most... but it's so hard when i've got pride. But do I really want to jeopardize my relationship with my only parent.? is it really worth it? NO WAY. it's time to take steps....tomorrow I am going to write her the longest letter and talk to her about how I feel.

yay! homework is done. well for one of my classes.

SIGH. i want to sleep. i sleep waaaay too much. ack.!!

2002-10-27T16:40:00.000-08:00

shit, i just lost my whole entry. and it was long. oh fuck it....

"Perfect"

Hey [mom] look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

2002-10-24T22:50:00.000-07:00

"Lean on me...when you're not strong...I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on."

some of my friends (and myself included) have found ourselves in a predicament. but whatever issue is at hand, I want all my friends to know that God will get you through it. Have faith in Him and have faith in yourself.

to my twin... i want you to know that I am here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. You were always there for me, and now it's my turn to give back. you'll always have me; you'll always have kimber; you'll always have boba -=)

it's frustrating -- ths life...isn't it.? when I look back at the past year or two, i can seriously relate to those who call the teen years a "roller coaster". And i know it sounds really cheesy, but it is soo damn true. but the thing that makes me happy is knowing that for every time I felt like things would never get better, God always had His way of helping me out. Whatever it was -- a friend, a gift, an experince -- it put off my dejection. When I had major issues with my mom a couple of months ago, I was running out of hope and turning to "stupid solutions". In the midst of all that, I met Gabe. He helped me become a better, stronger person, and for the longest time afterwards, I was quite content with my life situation. A little later I faltered a tad bit when Gabe and I broke up. But I realized that some things just happen -- even if you can't accept it or don't understand. I swear ... i was so determined to make it work out between us, but then i learned that loving him and needing him "with" me wasn't everything. I made an incredible discory this summer. And that was the discovery of my self worth. After years of conflict within myself, I was able to love myself. And it is soo true wat people say that loving yourself helps you become a better person. God knows if I've changed for better or worse or haven't changed at all, but I feel so much more accomplished from how i was before. *Congratulations Ivy Ocampo* (gives myself a pat on the back)

With that in mind, I know I can get through this rut I'm in right now. *sigh*

The Lord has a will
And I have a need...
To follow that will...
To rest in it, nest in it, fully be blessed in it...
Following my Father's will.

2002-10-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

i'd just like to make a statement that where i live does not define WHO i am.

i'd also like to share my thoughts about something in particular that came to my attention earlier this evening...

has this ever happened to you.?? .... (NOTE: names are substituted for the sake of offensiveness) "hey Bob told me that Joe told him that you and Mike were flirty" and where did that info come from.?? "well i think that Mary told Joe who told Bob" and how did mary obtain her information.?? "Sara was there and she might have told Mary who told Joe who told Bob"....

confused.?? to sum it all up in a nutshell....people like to base their assumptions on false conclusions and then decide to inform whoever they please of their "discovery".

now kids, what can we learn from this.?? to quote my good friend kimber "ASSUMPTIONS ARE GROSSLY OVERRATED".

in other news....

1) i am aspiring to become a future student at UCSB or UCSC. i was impressed by santa barbara, and quite attracted to santa cruz. but i still have yet to see what irvine and riverside have to offer.

2) i noticed that i have been becoming more negative. i am starting to get more upset. the little things are bothering me and taking me over. i was doing great for a long time. and it feels as though obstacles are in the road ahead of me. once again. these aren't your typical obstacles. to some they could be pebbles, but to me they are gigantic boulders. oh bother.!!! at least i'm not in the hole i was in last year....

AFTER ALL....I AM A CHANGED PERSON. I AM A BETTER PERSON. AND FROM WHAT MY NERD HAS ASSURED ME....I AM SPECIAL & I AM A GOOD PERSON. I'M GLAD HE KNOWS THAT BECAUSE IF HE DIDN'T THINK SO, THEN I'D REALLY BE THE ONLY PERSON TO BELIEVE IT.

2002-10-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

iAN & iVY established October 15, 2002

yes, we're finally official -=)

2002-10-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

oh damn...someone had a pretty good weekend.

friday...did nothing. i stayed home and studied my ass off for SATs ... i was really sad because on two practice tests, couldn't even break a 1200...ehh.

saturday happy birthday to my twin twin.!!!! i love marvie w/ all my half heart.!! duh, because she's my other half. I LOVE YOU TWIN. HAPPY BIRTHDAY....SATs in the morning. i swear Nerd is sooo gay. he can't get around anywhere.!! he gets so lost. awww...my poor babee. so i was waiting for him to get to Hoover to give him a *good luck hugg and kiss... so yeah.... when i got there i saw many peepholes....then i took my test...all by myself...because kevin decided to take SAT IIs geez...mMmkay...then after a million hours we all finished and me and ian drove bj to kim's house. damn, i swear i hate stupid drivers on the freeway. i was changing into the right lane to exit Verdugo, and some dumb ass car decides to go into the lane i'm going into from the right (i was coming from the left) well anyways...it was kinda scary...but me being the good driver i am....all was well...ahahah....except that one time i was trying to parallel park kimber's car and i hit the car in back of me. OMG.!! ahahah... okay.. i took ian home w/ me and i got ready for my performance....me, ian, and my mom went to castaway...we performed ...before i danced i was practicing binasuan (a dance balancing water in glasses on your head and hands)....OKAY...i dropped my head glasss causing my hand glasses to fall...and i started crying. i'm such a baby. allie was holding my hand and jana was wiping my tears. awww thanks guys.!! so anyways....when we performed i did binasuan PERFECTLY...no dropping...no spills...nada.!! awww jana was so proud of me. yay.!! okay then after that...we all went to eat at some thai restaurant...it was okay...i didn't get my pad see ew (sp?) ...oh shit...jillian has my chopsticks that i stole ...gotta get those from her. then we all went to mica's house. i swear man. we are SERIOUSLY family. us and our parents do everything.!!! and like...they don't let us do things...it's gay but funny...i was supposed to go to my homecoming game which i really really wanted to go to...but they were all like...NO..stay here. daaaamn dude...but it was okay. lots of singing and playign the piano. and i got to spend the WHOLE DAY w/ IAN =) later on i saw cammy and mocha..they came home w/ mig. damn, marco's brother justin is cute. if i was a soph i'd be all over him..ahaha..

SUNDAY.... i was bored for HOURS.!!! then i talked to my favortie person RAYRAY for a long while...awww...she's the best. i like her a lot. ahahaha...sorry jon rex, she loves ME...just kidding. so albert picks all of us up....we "roll out" to knotts for marve's bday thing. we hurry our asses up because we were late. we got there...and i cut in the line where we give our tickets..ahahah i pretended rj was my bf. then ryan pretended he was my bf...it was funny. it was so obvious.!! okay then walking into the scare zones...me and rosa ripped ryan and rj's arms off...ahaahha i swear...we're so gay. kay and then we met everyone else up....we went into a maze of aliens and stuff. okay blah blah....me and rj kept looking for food and an atm w/ rosa and oat. then about halfway into the night... it was just me, rj, ryan & anne awwwwwww..ryan and anne.!!! cute man.!! very cute. okay, it was pretty fun. RJ was good company. i didn't feel all weird because it was couple then me and him...it was cute though because i wouldn't let him leave me...and i was hiding under his arms whenever i was scared. what a pal.!! cool beans.!! and then me being the extra bad girl/rebel....the four of us were walking...and i pulled rj into a line "pretending to be buying some pretzels or whatever"....and we cut in the front of a line to a maze..ahahah...it was funny...then ryan and anne were like..."oh hey guys.!!" and we just kept facing forward...then yeah...the ladies behind us were all mad and talking shit. but we just kept smiling and laughing. after a while of walking and scaring and such....we left around 3.?? because it took us forever to get together and leave...me and rosa's moms kept calling us and we were in such big trouble....because we were supposed to be home around 12ish...ahahha we got home around 4:30 - 5:00 AM... oh my.!!! okay ...so when we were walking to albert's car i had to pee sooooooooooo badly...but i held it. then right when we got into the car....i took my shoes off because i think i broke my toe earlier...and i GOT THE BIGGEST CRAMP IN MY LEG....i was screaming and baby and kristina were like..."ahhh what's wrong"....ahahah so i've been limping ever since then. i got home i think at 5. i crashed ....blah blah blah...fun times.

2002-10-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

was it really the system.?? if it wasn't, then i wouldn't think of it still. i guess being in the system stays with you. it's just a part of you because i was soo _______ .

is this bad.?? i'm so sorry. i'm so stupid. i miss the little things.

2002-10-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

wow, how wonderful it would be to get married. i just watched fresh prince, and it was will and lisa's wedding...well almost wedding. BUT STILL...awww it was so exciting. ahaha how gay i am.!!!

you know who cracks me up.?? keember. i swear...she gives me asthma attacks all the time...

"wanna go to a banging party yo.?? i'm all like...yeah.!!.....wanna three way alisha...and i'm like hellz yeah...so now we're at this banging party and getting ten times nasty."

2002-10-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

i knew it was too good to be true. how could i possibly think that my mom would buy me a brand new car.?? hMm....oh well. it's okay. we'll be looking for a used car. and if that doesn't happen, i'll be sharing the infiniti with my mom, but we all know that if that happens i'll be driving once every 20 years.

oh geez.!! why am i being so gay.!! a car isn't everything. how materialistic could i be.?! shame on me......SIGH. yet deep down inside...i still want a car. of course.!! but i guess what i'm trying to say is that...having a car isn't going to make me or break me. it's something i can deal without. besides...if i get one...i'm lucky considering that my mom could hardly afford it and all the insurance.

my mom is awesome. no matter what she gives me...i'll be happy with it -=)

2002-10-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

today i had a big sigh of relief. the whole dilemna i've undergone for the past two days have been one of the scariest experiences of my life, and i don't intend for it to happen again. big thanks to JULES, JOEL, GABE, KIM, & JANA for being there for us.

my sleeping habits are way wacked out. i sleep early in the evening or night...then i wake up around 11 or 12. i do some homework..then i fall asleep again...and then i wake up to finish studying. as of right now, i'm not sure when i'm going to sleep. i'm still studying for an AP chemistry exam and then after i have to study for an economics test. i'm screwed, but oh well. damn, i have such apathy towards my school obligations. senioritis gave me a big kick in the ass in the second semester of junior year.!!! haha.

No matter how much life can seem to suck, God always gives you a little happiness to relieve the drama. When I got home from school today, I called my mom....And where was she.?!?! CAR SHOPPING.!!! -=) woohoo. ivy's getting a brand new car.!!! apparently, my dear uncle did me a favor by convincing my mom that it's better to get me a new car instead of a used one. she wants to get me a silver civic coupe EX....uMMm...when it comes to cars, i'm totally stupid...i actually wanted an old ass mustang or something in that genre....but whatever i get, i'm happy with. if she changes her mind to a used car again....yay.!! ANY CAR IS A GOOD FOR ME. my mom rocks my socks.

thank you nerd for standing by me. God really does deliver in times of hardship. *KiKi.!!!*

2002-10-06T17:03:00.000-07:00

i got love for rayray...she deserves love. -=)

i just thought about it....i really don't have a "best friend".... so while i may call people my best friends just because they were at one point in my life... there's is really NO best friend.....i've just come to that realization. it's either....i don't feel the same way towards someone who says i'm their best friend...or they don't see me as their best friend..

ha.!! this fickle life is so amusing.

2002-10-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

so, how was friday.? all in all, it went well. i went home and tried to sleep. couldn't sleep so i took a shower and started to fix my hair. i had most of it done, but i took it all out and started over. ian picked me up, and we headed to kimber's house. we waited for adam to meet us there...that took forever. we went to the atm and back to my house to pick up my tickets. on the way there, i got into a bad mood....so me and ian didn't talk the whole way there...then we got to the ball. it was cool...i got over my mood...and aiwejf;aiejg;iegjaijefoijaweifj;aiwejfo;ijawe;fn awjgnovj;awjief;ajq;fj .... albert gave me a lap dance...ahahha EWL.!! he's my brother.!! ahah karla is soo funny.!! trying to pose as a sacred heart girl... ehehehe....

early saturday morning my mom left for milwaukee...yeaup...so begins my weekend without her...now, my cousin mark is "supposedly" taking care of me...staying with me at night and all that jazz...well in the morning he took me to my performance at st.gen...which sucked.!! ahahah... then me and jana ate and watched the other performances..we saw may and her boyfriend for like five minutes....WOW...chris' dance group rocks my socks....and those three guys that sang....and the one HOTT guy.!!! damn....ahahahha jana.!! "i'll take my clothes off for him.!!! shoOOot.!!!" ...okay then we walked around with vince a little bit and he bought us water.!! hahhaha yay....then jon rex picked us up and we went to go pick up ray ray....damn she is one rockin' girl.!!!!!!!!!!! i love her to death.!!!!! yayy.. -=) then we surprised justin at his house....first time i saw his room.!! ahahah...i was on the phone w/ him and i rang the doorbell and his dad answered....and he called justin and he poked his head out the door and i was like..."Hi.!!" ahahahah....yeaup...then i said hi to his mom and his lola...then i went up to his room and i searched for the box where he kept all the stuff i gave him....OH MAN.!! i swear....i wrote him a bajillion letters and maaaaaaan.....i read some of the stuff....i was soooo in like with him...i swear....he's sooo __________________ i don't know.!!! i was talking to jon rex and rayray about it....and jon was saying all this stuff that was like..."dude i know.!!!" and awwwwwwww i love rayray so much....okay so we dropped jana off back at st.gen...we went to rayray's friend erin's house....omg.!!! i forgot my food there....i hope she threw it away....it was cool....her friends are nice...then me and rayray stole jon's keys and were gonna go pick up justin from the dorms at csun i think...ahahha jon was running after us...then i was being their chauffer....then eiajf;aweijf;aejif;iajef;jiae;fje;gjai;gj ;aurngvfagj;qi3jv ;ifj;Aju/;JOAF'Jigfjo;ajfo;aierjfo;jir;gjia;jf ;jig;ajf; ja;werjif;aejf;io jwd/;gja;worifjweijf;aoweijf;aoij gajro;gij;ifja;woejf......

rayray and jrex.!!!!!!!! i love you guys so much...i'm always here for the both of you -=) you guys are such homies for real......and rayray you're so awesome.!!!! i swear you're like my carbon copy...ahaha yaaay.!!! i put the "ay" in rAYrAY ahahahah...i dunno...

so i get home to see what i'm gonna do.....a bunch of people just show up at my house....and BLAH BLAH BLAH....ehhh >=P then me and krista go back to my house...go to get kimber...by then it was 10....i swear, i think her mom hates us for life now...i feel like she thinks we're bad children who influence kimber...but we're not.!!! so then we head to pasadena to this white party....i saw a lot of my friends from school...and outside of school too....i saw best friend's ex...hMmm...whatever...i went inside for like two minutes. it was soo wack. then me and krista picked up anne and went to kim's house. everyone else went to tommy's and i guess decided not to meet us there.... we stayed at kim's for a bit.... ahahahhahaha JUDY & WEENA HAVE THE BEST UNDERWEAR IN THE WORLD.!!!!!!!!!!! ahahahaha......i recognized that marvin guy that worked at jamba juice...he has a good grip.!! ahahah....then yeah....me, krista, and anne went to tommy's to meet up w/ my cousin Mark and the other peoples....i ate some chili fries....w/ pickles and tomatoes...yuMmM.!! got full......uMmM...Mark and us were supposedly going to some carnival thing which was dead... ahah...we drove around aimlessly...he took me home ....frank texted me & i called him back...ahahah he was too cool to chill w/ me yesterday...ahah i have no clue what i was saying to him on the phone...i swear i was talking out of my ass...i was sooo sleepy...so he let me go and i crashed....

woke up this morning....ian called and he was done with his retreat so he came over to chill for a bit...he's such a flower.!!! aahahahha...just like DEXTER & ALBERT ahahahahah....kidding....speaking of which.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stupid albert kept dick slapping my face last night....okay...then i ordered pizza and crazy bread...yuMmm..then mark dropped off some islands...so i inhaled all my food...ahahha.!!! then i threw up after because i ate way too much...ayy.!! ahahha...

oh my gosh.!!!!!!! i swear this one TRICK....dammit.!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK....he got mad at me for hanging up on him...when some serious shit was happening at the moment.....if i could tell him what it was i would but nOo i respect my friends and i'm not gonna break my promise to tell anyone what happened.....but nOOO this guy is like...BLAhBLAH BLAH...efawefija;weijf;aeijfio;awj...then he has the audacity to tell me to learn some manners.!?!?!? what the fuck.!?! he swears.!!! damn, i know i can be out of line and whatever at times.... but he should take a look at what he does....and if he's reading ...GOOD...you need to know this....and a lot of people think so too....this boy needs to grow up....ughhh.!!! me and my friend were talking about him and how he needs to find a girl that'll set him straight....apparently...HE LET HER GO....and don't give me the bullshit that it was my fault.....he knows just like everyone else that i was good for him....i fucked up on him once....but in the end...what was i supposed to do.??? wait for him to realize how much i like him.?? wait for him to return the feelings.??? if he even felt what i thought he did....it would've been nice to show it.....to think.....he's the guy in my past who i MISS when i see him....there's always just something about him...because he's sooo....DAMMIT.!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just hope he finds a good girl in the future and he treats her good.....not like how he treated girls then and now.....and if you are reading...don't be offended by this shit....because you know it's the fucken truth...and i don't care if you hate me for this because it's only how i see it....if that's not how it is then....show it.

and another thing to someone.....YOU are not alone. i don't know when you'll ever see that we do care about you. and i know certain things will happen where you'll think that we don't remember you. but that's not even true. and i'm not bullshitting...i'm not getting mad or anything...i'm not trying to make you mad so don't get mad.....i'm just telling you straight out that we CARE....if we're bad at showing it...then i guess we're not trying as hard as you want us too.....but also...i just want to tell you that there are plenty of times that it's happened to me...so try not to think that it's just you because WE LOVE YOU.... you know who are.

2002-10-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

DOWNLOAD "EMOTIONLESS" BY GOOD CHARLOTTE YOU HAVE TO DL IT....MAN, IT SO DESCRIBES MY LIFE, MY DAD... it brings sad memories, yet it's so refreshing...in a good way.

Emotionless

Hey dad
I’m writing to you
not to tell you, that I still hate you
just to ask you
how you feel
and how we fell apart
how this fell apart

are you happy out there in this great wide world?
do you think about your sons?
do you miss your little girl?
when you lay your head down
how do you sleep at night?
do you even wonder if we’re all right?

but we’re all right
we’re all right

chorus:
it’s been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren’t you there all the nights that we cried
you broke my mother’s heart
you broke your children for life
it’s not ok,
but we’re all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
but those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now, I’m writing just to let you know that I’m still alive

the days I spent so cold, so hungry
were full of hate
I was so angry
those scars run deep inside this tattooed body
there’s things I’ll take, to my grave
but I’m okay
I’m okay

sometimes…
I forgive
yeah and this time
I’ll admit
that I miss you, said I miss you

and sometimes
I forgive
and this time
I’ll admit, that I miss you, miss you
hey dad

2002-10-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is friday. thank the Lord Jesus.!! -=) and i don't have any hwk for tonight.!! woohoo.!! but i have a buttload of hwk, projects, and applications due this month and next month.!!! ahhhh....

narf.!!!!!!!!! barf.!! i'm such a fat monster.!! ahahahha...okay not FAT like OBESE but dude...i'm so chunky-meaty now.!!! i can't fit into my jeans anymore.!!! i tried on my formal dresses for the rose court ball tomorrow night...and NONE of them fit me.!!!! man, how disheartening.!!! but.!! the good thing is....i'm slowly getting over my laziness and i've been excercising a lot lately. crunches and pushups galore.!! ahahah...imagine me working out...it's quite humorous. okay everyone my goal is to lose 10 pounds by November 15....sorry ian.!! no more chubbiness...ahahaha....i no longer want these rolls of fat on my body.

and if you're thinking...."she's insane.!!!...she's not FAT.!!" ..well, i guess i can just hide it...but for the past while...it's been getting more difficult to hide it since all my clothes suffocate me.!!! ay shet betch.!!!

i'm bored and i'm sleepy. peace out dagg.!!!

2002-10-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

kimber dropped me off at home today...and i forgot my keys in the house this morning. so i was locked out. my mom wasn't home and worse...i had to pee really badly.!! i went to super A and went pee...then i chilled at OK chinese and ate...i was waiting for ian to pick me up when my mom called and said she was on her way home...

i have a 3.7.!!! i know that's pretty bad...but i thought i'd be getting worse...well it's only the first progress report...but hey...all my honors and AP classes pulled my gpa up...thank God...but i have a D in AP calc B/C....damn.....gotta work harder.!! ....... i feel inspired to do my hwk...ahahah for once..

2002-09-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

This is kimber...i jus wanted to say thanks ivy for letting me see ur template...it makes absolutely no sense to me but hey i figured it out! haha it took me forever...and i'm supposed to be the brainy powerpuff sister...haha NO...anyhoo, ur blog is waaaaay doper than mine...but thanks all the same for helping me =) bye boba sis...see ya in school...

2002-09-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

wow, i just got off the phone with MAY -=) ahaha, i'm so happy. we're talking again. i swear, we didn't talk for like a year.?! noo...yeah..i dunno...but a LONG ass time....and yeah...for those of you who haven't known me that long...may's my girlfriend....the original girlfriend...ahaha...she's so very beautiful and sexy.!! it's soo dope how we just talked and it felt like nothing happened before. but yeah...i'm probably going to see her this weekend...and hopefully we can chill...and woohoo.!!!! i'm in her debut.!! isn't that great.!?!? yaaaaay.!!! -=)

mMmkay...what did i do today.?? absolutely nothing.!! i woke up at 10ish...there wasn't anyone to talk to...carlo was on the phone...i fell back asleep and then bj woke me up around 12....i got up...ate..went online..slept...talked on the phone...blah blah...i fell asleep AGAIN....marvie and krista woke me up b/c they were at my house to pick up some stuff....then i ate, went online, watched tv, talked on the phone again.... and yeah...
that's about it...ahaha...

so i'm hoping to have a little kickback this weekend since my mom is gonna be out of town. hope all of my plans go through.!! *knock on wood*

i miss my best friend melissa =*/ she's hours and hours away from me. poop.!!

2002-09-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

yO.!!! well, thank God my week was over. I am such a lagger with school hwk. egh.!!

but anyway...yesterday i went with karla and keember to get boba after school. so much fun times in keem's car. haha.!!! -=P we're such good drivers... then i went home...ate...ian picked me up at 4:50 and we make it to Glendale in time to catch the 5:00 show for Sweet Home Alabama...aww it's such a cute movie. damn, reese witherspoon is so pretty.!! i liiiiiiike -=) mMMkay...then after i saw some good buddies....
bJ, janice, dex, mocha, cammy, gerald and all these other people...sorry if i left someone out...but yeah..i didn't want to stay at marketplace too long because damn..there were TOO many people there....including a bunch of filipinos and asians...ahahha jana.!! gooosh EWL... no offense you know...but there were waaaaaay too many....you know what i mean.?!?! okay so then me and ian went to my house and my mom cooked us some dinner. ahahha i was supposed to cook it for him but i got lazy...we played piano...studied for SATs...well i did..ian feel asleep...then we watched some of pearl harbor...and then he left -=)

so today i woke my ass up to go to some college funding interview...they said it was a free program..but after a million hours of talking and making their offers look good...you have to pay 1200 bucks!!! my ass....that shit is so fake....if you ever have to pay for anything about loans, grants, or scholarships....don't go for it because it's a scam..that's what the college counselors say.....so then after that i drove over to the mall and got a new phone...ate...and waited for my mom to shop...took forever...blah blah....

alright i gotta go write a million letters for kairos people.....

dammit i wanted to eat itchiban w/ kevin today....=/

2002-09-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

damn, i just woke up. it's 12:46 am...and i haven't done jack shit of my hwk. HAHA. should i even bother.?? yes, or else i'll be overwhelmed w/ finishing it all last minute tomorrow.

okay i'm off to do my hwk. knowing me, i'm going to fall asleep again during the process........gosh, ivy.!!!

2002-09-24T01:25:00.000-07:00

oh my fuck...i have to stay awake...i'm blogging to take a break from the horror of English homework. Tomorrow I have to turn in a portfolio of a gripshit of reflections and explications. it's absolutely exhausting. I thought it wouldn't be that bad, but I was wrong...as usual.!! so yeah...i'm sitting here.....how should this go..??? okay....after this, i'm going to write up my table of contents....my reflective intro. ...then write out a text explication, and then another paper. then i'll wake up early and type out my revision for my final explication....sound good.?!?!?

damn, today is never going to end. eawjf;ajweg;ajr;gjawigj;awigje;aiwej;jg;aJg;jiwaweijf. today was the rose court tryout. it went okay. i felt so stupid up there in front of the judges. "hello, i'm number 884 and i would like to be a part of the rose court because....".......shit....i didn't know what to say....oh well...i got it over and done with. i know i'm not making it into the finals, but who cares.!! i'm going to the ball and that's all i wanted in the first place. ahahhahaha......oh and then.!! we were driving back to school...and a fucken van decides to almost kill us. it was scary but funny. funny because kimber was insanely angry and beating up her horn.! ahahahha....she was cussing and honking like there was no tomorrow. i was gonna die from laughing. ..... good times.!!!

dammit rosa.!!! we're going to the gym....THIS WEEK.!!! it's a must...ahahaha....

ian came over today to pick up some books. he ended up staying for a while correcting my english papers.!! how sweet is he.!?!? awwww... i swear he is sooo awesome. -=) and then we watched Everwood together and he left for home.

my back hurts like a mother.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone massage meeeeeeeeeeeeee =( damn my back, damn English, damn school, damn, damn, damn, damn.....

hey, i cuss a lot. i have a bad mouth. i need to be more proactive.!! ahahhaah...i'm going to go wash my mouth with soap -=P

2002-09-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

i'm such a lazy ass. i need to take a shower, blow dry my hair, fill out my senior questionnaire for my college counselor, write a reflection paper for religion, and start revising/writing my papers for english.... have i done any of it.?? nope. am i going to.?? i'm not quite sure. my back really hurts, and i just want to sleep. fine..i'll finish my questionnaire and take a shower. then i'll quickly write my reflection...let's hope this plan doesn't fail.!!!

ay yaiy yaiy....i'm a SLOTH. i am overweight & lazy. i'm lazy to work out and i'm lazy to do my fucken homework.

i am really bleh right now...

that's it...i'm getting offline. i'm gonna open up one of ian's books and try to feel better.

a blog isn't a blog w/out mentioning my nerd. MY NERD IS SUCH A FLOWER =) it's okay ian, being gay isn't that bad.!! ahahah just joking. you're a manly flower...not quite a rock, but you can be a dandelion...because you're dandy yet manly like a lion...rRrRArrr.! ahahhaha...muah.!!

2002-09-22T01:04:00.000-07:00

hmph.!!! kat or kris.!! could you help me asap w/ my tagboard...b/c it won't fit.!! and i've seen that your guys' are skinny and stuff....
speaking of tagboards don't worry everyone...it will be back up and running soon i hope. that way you guys can leave your messages...nice OR mean -=)

oh and rachel...if you ever read this...i haven't gotten around to it because i haven't seen you online in a while. i just wanted to apologize for instigating stupid shit. and if my apology isn't accepted then that's fine w/ me. at least i did and that's all that's good for me. however, we both know that i wasn't the only one to blame for this whole incident. i guess it all started with your blogs about hating on "punk posers". so if i'm a poser to you. then by all means...i'm a poser.!! ahahah....then i like being a poser. i never even compared...or tried to compete with a "real punk"...and plus...i doubt music is made for a handful of people. it's made for anyone and everyone. if you can't accept that i listen to WHATEVER i listen to...then....ahahah i don't know.!!! yeaup, and it was really childish of me to make that stupid list. but you know what...i'm gay like that. but i don't take it back. i'm sorry i did it, but i'm not sorry for feeling the way i did. it really sucked the things you said. damn, that shit hurt me so much. and if i did anything to offend you or hurt you...by saying i liked punk....sorry. i didn't know you could be so hostile over something like that. but anyways. we both have changed. all of us have changed. but i don't want something as petty as this get in the way of a good friendship (if you consider it as one...i do though)....all those years mean something to me. so this is my "sorry"...take it or leave it, but i'm not going to deal with this anymore. it's rather tiring don't you think. take care...oh and none of this is bullshit. try not to hold a grudge...it just makes you even more bleh...be happy.

anyways....i am one tired mofo.!!! i had dance practice today...and damn...lisa did warm-ups...and we did crunches and push-ups...ahahaha.!! oh shit...i am soo out of shape...i was dying...ahahah...so then i went home....blah blah blah...eiaoijef;jg;ajgijr;ajiefj;ejgf.......went to the mall w/ ian....i had a $15 gift certificate to express that was gonna expire...but i couldn't find anything.!! plus everything was OVER fifteen bucks...geeeeeeez.... ahahah..damn i'm so cheap...i was gonna buy SOCKS...but the coupon isn't valid for "accessories"...dammit.!! ahahha....we went there for nothing...then we went to go watch The Four Feathers.....i must say....that is one good movie.!!! and heath ledger (sp?) is oooone sexaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay MOFO.!!!!!!! wow wow wow wow....i like him very muchose.

so tomorrow...i'm going shopping to look for something to wear for the Rose Court tryouts. I might go w/ rosa...but i gotta talk to her about it...because i don't want to go anywhere far. yada yada....how fun...we're all going to the ball.!! woohoo.!! ahahahah...

IAN -=) he's the sessiest nerd in the entire universe.!!! he gave me three books.!!! woooooooooow. he makes me smile THIS BIG. they're little books on how to enjoy life and stuff...that's where i got the whole.."i don't want to hold a grudge w/ rachel" thing...because damn...life isn't worth that stuff....so i'm gonna try to stay positive.

NERD, you're the better than the best.

i have 15 free days to go to 24 hour fitness. i should join soon. c'mon rosa...let's go get in shape. haha...

2002-09-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

dammit.!!!!!!!!!!!!! everytime i try to fit my tagboard in the table on the left, it won't fit.!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck.!! i'm soo frustrated.!!! =( someone help me.!!! ....

2002-09-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

i'm at school right now w/ keember....here's a survey..we're really bored.!!!

1. [spell your name backwards] yvi....why vee eye.!?!? aahahah
2. [where do you live?] los angeles, california
3. [describe yourself in 4 words] dorky, goofy, weird, crackfiend <----because i'm high on life.!! woohoo.!! ahahah
4. [ever been to belgium?] not to my recollection
5. [what's your favorite coin?] pennies. because they're brown

DESCRIBE YOUR...

9. [wallet] i have a louie voutton. (sp?)....but it's fake.!! ahaha you swear i can afford that shit.!! and it's those long kinds. and when you open it you can see my license.!! woohoo...there's barely any money in there....i carry a couple of pictures (of the important people. if you're super special, you're on my binder or locker or on my walls) uMm..some izones...ticket stubs...yeah..
10. [brush] it's a brush...it's black...and it's a brush
11. [toothbrush] i know it's green...just can't remember what brand. i'm too lazy to go look. haha
12. [jewelry worn daily] my class ring, my jade bracelet on my left wrist, my cartilage earring, and usually an earring in each hole on my lobes but i took em out for now because they were buggin'
13. [pillow cover] one powerpuff girl.!!!! and one winnie the pooh -=) yeah.!! my pillows rock...
14. [blanket] winnie the pooh.!!!!!!! ahahhaha
15. [coffee cup] i don't have one
16. [sunglasses] haven't found the perfect ones -=/
17. [cell phone] a big ass black phone that flips open with just a flick of my finger.!! ahaha...it has no games. i can only receive text, not send...BUT...i will be getting a new phone next month..yay.!! finally...
18. [handbag] it must depend on what i'm wearing. you know i gotta match.!! ahaha...
20. [favorite top] eHhh...i have a few. but i guess. my turquoise blue elephant shirt. i'm gonna wear it tonight. haha, i'm gay.
21. [favorite pants] my dirty, dirty jeans that gabe got me for valentines day...they're the best jeans ever... -=) thanks gahbrul.!!!
22. [cologne/perfume] sweet pea body spray.!!!!!!!!!! "hey, it smells like ivy"....yeaup.!! but i'm running out, so as of right now, i'm using Heaven by Gap
23. [cd in stereo right now] the slow jam cd i made for gabe's birthday but never gave it to him...i guess i'll give it to him tonight...if he wants it... bleh.!! =/
24. [tattoos] maybe in the future.
25. [piercings] two on my left ear and one on my right ear....
26. [wearing] red boxers with elephants on them.!! (marve.!! eheh) and my white uniform shirt.
27. [hair] short, black...and really really thin.!! oh man...my hair is falling out guys.!! i'm shedding.!!
28. [makeup] nada...

WHAT/WHO (is/are)...

29. [in your mouth] let's see....there's a tongue...lots of teeth...
32. [after this] a shower.!!!
33. [talking to] not really anyone
34. [eating] nada
35. [do you like candles?] sure
36. [do you like hot wax?] for what.?? ahah i like those cool things you drip on an envelope and seal...cool beans.
37. [do you like incense?] it depends.
38. [do you like the taste of blood?] yummay.!!!!
41. [person you wish you could be with right now] melissa (i miss you.!!!), ian, gerrier, and my imijj sisters and my bobapuff sisters...and all the homies....we should have a party.!!!
42. [what/who is next to you?] the furniture
44. [do you believe in love?] i guess so....but not right now -=P

YOU

1.name: ivy...eye vee why.!!!??!
2.age: 17
3.birthday: may 31
4.height: around 5'3" to 5'4"
5. weight: too much.!!!!!!!!!!!!! let's just say i've gained about fifteen pounds over the summer....shit that's so horrible.!!! =(
6. words you say a lot: "cool beans.!!!"...."shuttup.!!!"......."ahhh fuck.!!"...."you're so gay.!!" ...."what a flower.!!" ...ahahaha...and much much more..
7. music: i like punk and emo (yes, i now know what it is.!! ahaha) uMm...i like r&b and some hip hop.....because it's hip to the groove...
8.hair color/ length: it's like...medium-dark brown...but yeah...my hair hasn't been natural since 7th grade...maybe that's why my hair is so unhealthy....and my hair is up to my shoulders now
1.single or taken: single. but i'm good and happy with my nerd -=)
3. who do you like?: ian, imijj, bobapuff, confirmation/church people, some people at school, my friends...you know who you are if i'm nice to you =)
4. what do you look for in the opposite sex? i don't look for things. if i like the way he is, then kudos.!!! every guy is different and they won't always have what i ideally want...but who does.?? i like ian's qualities very muchose.

FUTURE

1. future wedding: who knows
2. future car: hopefully something nice and something that won't be a piece of junk that'll break down on me...
3. future husband/wife: i let myself get carried away into thinking i knew who he'd be...apparently not....so i don't want to picture myself with anyone in particular in the future.
4. future job: hopefully something cool and successful = money, money, money...yess, i know...i'm greedy -=) but of course i know it's not everything...but hey, it'd be nice right.???

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

1. God: yeaup
2. UFOs: not so far...
3. ghosts: ehhh....maaaybe.
4. yourself: at times..
5. your friends: the true ones, yeah
6. destiny/fate: i guess, although a lot of times i don't like how things turn out..but what can you do.??

RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE...

1. thinking about: confirmation tonight and a certain someone....
2. eating: nada
3. listening to: the clacking of the keyboard
4. doing: this survey....
5. looking foward to: sleeping...going out and watching "the four feathers" and "sweet home alabama" ...are those titles right.??

LAST QUESTIONS

1. who was the last person you talked on the phone with? ian
2. what was the last drink that you drank?: H2O...MMm..that's the good stuff...
3. last car you've been in?: my mom's car
4. last thing you ate: calamari (calaMARVIE) from bario fiesta and rice...yummay.!!! -=)
5.last shower you took: last night...i'm gonna take one when i'm done w/ this..

2002-09-17T21:18:00.001-07:00

a HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY to my FAVORITE KUYA MARK -=)
you're the bestest cousin in the whole wide world.
(to be continued)

2002-09-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

you know that feeling....where it's like time is going by so slowly, yet it passes so quickly.?? yeah, i'm feeling like that. it's like...i keep waiting for every day to end, but after a week is over i think to myself..."dude, it's a new week already"....but damn. it's sooo trippy.!! like.!! you can't wait for things to happen...but then...later you look back at life...and damn.!! i have lived seventeen years already. that's soo ...wow.!! and soon i'm off to college. i thought that it would take forever to get to this point in my life. everything i pictured before about how life would be now...it's so not what i thought it'd be like....and now i think of what a long way to go i have until i'm working and married....but actually....it won't be long when i'll be looking back at my high school and college life. i know i'm sounding way weirded right now...

go figure. i had a college meeting at school today.

2002-09-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

i was so scared to really really like someone until today...

IBiRdiE: babee..
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: yeah...
IBiRdiE: i really really like you
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: awwwww
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: wow
IBiRdiE: we've gone thru waaay too much.. and i can't see myself stopping "us"
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: this is me right now :-D
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: awwwwwww yaaay
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahaheirhjaweoigjae;rgjaeo;jghioaergj;aierjgoaeij gwjq
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahha
IBiRdiE: hehehe
IBiRdiE: i mean it though
IBiRdiE: i don't wanna scare u
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: how come.?
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: the sudden feelings...
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: no i like it
IBiRdiE: but while i was looking at u today
IBiRdiE: like u said.. i saw someone i could love one day, if i don't already ( who knows? )
IBiRdiE: n i kept looking at u
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: awww
IBiRdiE: i dunno what u see when u look in the mirror
IBiRdiE: but i saw a beautiful girl who makes meeh happier than anyone has
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: stop it.!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh my gosh
IBiRdiE: who's independant
IBiRdiE: who's caring
IBiRdiE: who's thoughtful
IBiRdiE: who's iantelligent
IBiRdiE: who's ianteresting
IBiRdiE: whose smile makes meeh feel like nothing could go wrong
IBiRdiE: who's funny
IBiRdiE: who's dorky
IBiRdiE: and more
IBiRdiE: and u may think that i can't handle ur "problems" or whatever
IBiRdiE: but i haven't left yet
IBiRdiE: i don't see that when i look at u
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: awwwwwww
IBiRdiE: even when u were starting to see things in the car
IBiRdiE: u were still ivy
IBiRdiE: n when i started liking u, i realized that i'd have to deal with a lot
IBiRdiE: and that was part of my attraction to u
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: really...??
IBiRdiE: i felt i could have some kind of effect on u... hopefully for the better
IBiRdiE: all those times u were sad about Gabe
IBiRdiE: i wanted to be there for u
IBiRdiE: all those times u felt alone bc people talked trash
IBiRdiE: i wanted to hold u tiiiiiiiiiight
IBiRdiE: all those times u felt like u were "bad"
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: OMG.!!!!!!!!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: awwwwwwww
IBiRdiE: i wanted to show u how good u are
IBiRdiE: n that's why ur "problems" never get to meeh
IBiRdiE: the only thing that ever gets to meeh is when i can't help u
IBiRdiE: i don't wanna feel helpless with u.. i wanna feel helpful
IBiRdiE: not always of course.. u don't always need meeh
IBiRdiE: but when i got with u, i felt i could make u happy.. n u could make meeh happy
IBiRdiE: n so far, all i've been is happy
IBiRdiE: unlike before, i realize that u have moods and stuff
IBiRdiE: i realize that u get jealous easily
IBiRdiE: i realize that i get jealous easily
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: you do.!?
IBiRdiE: yaahs
IBiRdiE: i do, i just don't show it
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: reaaally
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: why not.!!?
IBiRdiE: because.. i'm always jealous when i shouldn't be
IBiRdiE: i also realize that i don't get tired of being with u
IBiRdiE: it's knowing my babee when she's most vulnerable.. and realizing that she trusts meeh that much
IBiRdiE: and cares that much
IBiRdiE: it's an explosion of emotions
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
IBiRdiE: i've realized that we're not a typical relationship
IBiRdiE: so we shouldn't compare ourselves to typicals relationships
IBiRdiE: we're our own
IBiRdiE: and before, i was worried that my feelings could die out.. cause i didn't trust myself that much
IBiRdiE: but after i looked at u today, i saw an entire future
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ....
IBiRdiE: our future depends on us
IBiRdiE: and i'm not saying we'll for sure end up together
IBiRdiE: or whatever
IBiRdiE: but the journey there will be something we'll never forget
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ..yeah...
IBiRdiE: but as much as i hate talking about the future.. i want u to know
IBiRdiE: whether u hate hearing it or not
IBiRdiE: that i CAN see a future with u.... whatever that future may be
IBiRdiE: i'm not saying things'll work out
IBiRdiE: but they could
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: hopefully
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: awwww...nerd, you're soo...wow.!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: -=)
IBiRdiE: u make meeh this way
IBiRdiE: with another girl, i might be completely different
IBiRdiE: so i thank God for u.. u've changed meeh soo much.. in such a positive way
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: for real...?
IBiRdiE: yeah
IBiRdiE: i've found a relationship with someone who's just as independent as meeh
IBiRdiE: and i can see everything working out
IBiRdiE: at first, i was worried by what i called u being "complicated"
IBiRdiE: but i understand that's just as much a part of u as my crooked nose is a part of meeh

okay there's some more, but it's long...and i took out some parts...because hey.!! that's private business yo.!!! nosy peepholes...hehehe..

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWWOOWWOOWOW damn, i swear....ahhh...wow... that's all i could say. i'm soo happy man.!!! sOoo sooo happy.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my goolashes.!!! wooooooow...i mean look...i was barely saying anything.!!!! and i answered so stupid.!!! ay nako.!!! it's just wow...gOOd feelings man.!!! ivy is one happy girl.......yes everyone. i have found happiness once again. if you're happy for me, if you're not...i don't care because i'm the happiest ever.!!! ian is one cool bean. wait, ian is the coolest bean in the world. yeah, you know....

2002-09-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

jfiwaej;foijweio;fj testing

2002-09-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.!!!!!!!!!!

2002-09-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

damn, i didn't get to go to adam's last night. oh well..it's okay i guess. i'm talking to marvie right now and she said that we're planning another one..so yay.!! but yeah....here's what happened...

i was finished w/ meeting at kultura...and ian picked me up and we went to my house so i could change. and i was kinda in a hurry so OBVIOUSLY we aren't dong anything... i swear on everything ever that we weren't even doing stuff...you know.?! so anyways... my mom knew he was there and she's cool w/ it because yeah...she just loves him so much. okay so we were in the bathroom and he was watching me fix my hair...then we heard my mom pull up...and we realized all the lights in the kitchen and living room were off....and the living room is like the only place he can be while we're alone at the house....and i got scared because i didn't want her to jump to conclusions...so we like ran to the living room and turned on the lights...but yeah..when she got inside...she was all like.."why were all the lights off.!!?" blah blah ....and yeah...i felt bad because she didn't believe us...but yeah...ian talked to her and she calmed down...-=) awww how dope is that.?? he talked to my mom. wow, that's very brave. considering how my mom is. then yeah...everything was cool. she said i could still go to adam's ...but by then i was in such a WHATEVER mood that i didn't want to go anywhere. i asked ian to stay home w/ me because i didn't want to be alone w/ my mom. so me we just got some jack in my crack...and watched moulin rouge at my house. it was cool....surprisingly my mom left us alone the whole night and went to sleep in her room. then yeah...the movie was over..we watched some mad TV..then he went home. it was dope spending time w/ him. -=)

can't wait for the next time there's a kickback. i'll make up for what i missed out on last night...ahahah..double the fun.!! -=P

2002-09-14T03:48:00.000-07:00

ay.!! Good Grief.!!!

2002-09-14T03:47:00.000-07:00

Oh dear.!!!! it's like 3:30 am right now....and yeah...i dunno if i was supposed to call ian...or if he was...but yeah...all i know is that i fell asleep after he came by. wowowowowowwow my nerd looked so cute tonight.!! ahahha his hair was very sessay.!! -=) but yeah...damn, i hope all these girls at immac weren't all over him.!! *ahem* you know....because...*ahem* ahahhah...oh man.!! i am one jealous girl.!!! kekeke.!! but yeah... the holy dance was okay. i think i was just not feeling it because i was tired. bleh.!!

but yeah. wsoeiwjarjg;jbawvnjarjgo;ai3j4;tja ;rgnjo;wbj y;goiur;gtua;rgjo;3ij.gnjo;euby;un3;5982395uq9;4u5;ug;oaiegn; iaerjvn;jwto;gijao;j gao;rij noarjo; gaj....so that's what happened in a nutshell.!!!! i missed my nerd the whole time.

i spent practically my entire day with rosa G. today -=) it was dope. we got some talking about certain things and someones and such.

maaaaan, i have been one moody girl for the past week. i've been cranky at school, cranky with ian, cranky with my mom. well no wonder.!!! it's that time of the month you know...ehhh...my mom was like..."damn no wonder you're moody"...because ha.!! my mood swings are really something. but yeah ...on thursday i snapped and had a breakdown...my first in months.!! and yeah it was soo scary.!! -=/ ay yaiy yaiy. bad stuff -=X

i'm itchy and sleepy. i'm off to catch my zZz's..... toodeloo.!!! me sleeping.!!! ----> (-_- )ZzZzzzz

2002-09-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

i really should be studying for econ. it's almost 1...ahahah...earlier me and mom got into a little rRrRrraaaaR...and yeah...over the computer because i was on it and she needed it but i did too....but yeah...i think we both annoyed each other and yeah....blah blah blah...not fun... i got soOo mad that i was all cussing to ian..(sorry babee ahaha) and i was all determined to study and finish all my hwk....hmMM...i guess not because i fell asleep while doing my calculus hwk...i woke up around 12ish...damn. i don't feel like reading.

anyhow....happy birthday to CARLO, KARLA, & ALBERT.... carlo, i love you big bro.!! sorry for not knowing it was your bday...ahaha...but you know you love me...and you better not forget about me you punk.!! ahahah..but yeah...i'm happy if you're happy. Good Luck =) karla hey kaaaarlaaaaaaa....sorry i couldn't go on saturday...i had some dance thingy...but yeah...hopefully you'll like your present. it's small..just like you.!! ahaha JUST KIDDING...it's nice and big...MUAH.!! albert.!!!! =) hey bro.!!! hey nerd....hey flower.!!! here's a hamster hugg just for your bday...ahahah...yay.!! i labs you match man.!!! you rock my calculator hardcore.!! X to the izzo...Y to the izzay.!! aahahah...."i'm the biggest dork ever"...

i saw ian today...aww he makes me soo happy. my nerd is sooOoO sessay.!!!!!!! =)

i lab my kimburger.!!! keeeem...i know things build up on you, and you're not one to let it out to anyone. i can't do or say anything to make you talk to me, but just remember that if ever you need someone, i'm right here.!! i'm not going anywhere.!! i'm too damn lazy and fat.!! ahahah...yeah, i'm the dork that rocks your world.!!! oh yessss....keem i lab you.!!! and you know i don't get mad....like...rarely.!! SCHOOL SUCKS HUH.?!!? it's okay..just a couple more months....and we're outta here.!!! college here we come.!!!! welcome parties and ....ALCOHOL...yumm =) keemster...ahahah....what to say, what to say....keeeeeeeeem.....keeeeeeeeeem......keeeeeeeeem.....i want some boba.!!! ahahha dude we should sell some at our "antarctic hotel/casino" eheheheheheheh.....we rock.!!! will and grace eat your hearts out....just kidding.!!! i lab them too...i'm weird...but only weird FOR YOU =) feeling better.??

2002-09-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

EAFIAGJV;AERJ;AJG;AIJFGK;AFJVANDFGAEHNBO;AEJFGNERGJO;AJFGVL;KJSDLVND FBJ JF;AJGELRFJGFLDKM EFN;GBOENRGKLJR;FLJA

my uncles and aunties are here...they're singing kareoke....wooooooow....this is such great entertainment -=P

2002-09-08T20:07:00.000-07:00

saturday morning i woke up kind of in a bad mood. ian said that he didn't think he'd be able to watch my performance in san pedro, and yeah. i guess i really wanted him to see me because i had a solo and everything. BUT he ended up going... it was a good thing he was late because i didn't do that great. and OMG...the stage was SOOoo hott.!!!! beyond burning...OUCH...

so this thing at san pedro was like a philippine festival thing....and right when we got there....it was like...maaan...filipinos everywhere.!!! ehhhh...there was so much..."pinoy/pinay" pride clothing/gear.... ahahahha how really really ridiculous. but there were a lot of dope jewelry that i borrowed.!! hMm...OH YEAH.!!! ian, allan, dex, oat, wayne, and ANNE came =) i was happy to see all of them. and jules and joe and lawrence and their friend rhea were already there b/c they were volunteering. yeah then we ate....how cute....me and ian shared food....i dunno...i'm so gay, but i think that's so cute. ahahhaha...and ian met my kultura familia and yeah..they all like him...especially JANA's parents....ahahhahaha....they want ian to be her boyfriend.!!! LOL...her dad was like...."is he ivy's boyfriend..." jana was like..."uhHh not really.." ..then her dad was like.."then what are you waiting for.!?!?!? ask him out already.!!!" AHAHAHHAHA....that's comedy. you have to know her dad to see why it's so funny....mmMMkay ....then there was a DJ BATTLE...most of them were pretty good. ... ahah i didn't know what was considered "good"...so i kept asking jules to rate the DJs.....ehehehe...maaan...JULES should have gone up there and BURNED everyone.!!!! eheheheh...NEENER NEENER.!!!! =) but yeah dude....soon, imma be up there DJing.!!! yeeeeeeeeah, prime elements babeeee.!!!!!!!!! ...yeah.....okay....then we headed over to another performance all the way in freakin west hills or like in the valley....then we headed to jillian's house. awwww jillian is such a jillian.!!!!! ahahah she's soo CUTE.!!! awww i'm so happy she's my friend...thanks for what you wrote about me, mica, and jana.!!! you rock...and thanks for totally supporting me and ian.!! =) jill....never ever feel lonely...b/c of the whole "couple" thing or whatever...because no matter what you'll always have us.....

after all....we're not just an imijj...we're THE iMiJJ =)

damn, today and yesterday i stuffed my face with lots of food YUMMAY.!!!! it was my ate's birthday today...so my mom and all our family friends dragged my ass all the way to freaking knotts berry farm.!!!! ahahahah....it was buffet though, so it was good stuff =) mMmMm.......then yesterday i ate thai food and filipino food...and then at our second performance we had a filet minon dinner...because it was some anniversary thing...then we ate some chips and salsa and krispee kreme doughnuts at jill's house.!!!!!!! yaay...okay then this morning before eating lunch at the buffet...i ate some chinese food from full hosue that my mom brought home from yesterday.......YUMM.!!!!! full house is my favorite....i had pan fried noodles and fried squid and fried rice.!!!!!!!! ahahahh lots of fried stuff......woohoo.!!! okay okay....

TOMORROW I AM OFFICIALLY STARTING MY DIET.!!! I'M FOR REAL TOO...BECAUSE YEAH...DUDE...I WAS LOOKING AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR IN JILL'S BATHROOM...AND DUDE.!!! I'M FREAKING HUGE.!!!!! AND IT'S SO TRUE, BECAUSE I CAN HARDLY FIT INTO MOST OF MY CLOTHES....DAMMIT.!!!!!! AHAHAHA...MMKAY....SO YEAH.....MAN THIS IS GOING TO BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD.!!!!! BECAUSE YOU KNOW ME.!!!! FOOD IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...

2002-09-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

damn, i'm so tired. i was already tired before i left my house earlier. anyway, today was okay. i woke up really late and my mom had to take me to school...awww fuck...i just forgot AGAIN..i have to talk to my art teacher.. i haven't turned in my description paragraph on why and how i did my project...ahhh and i forgot to put my name on it.!! ayyy shiiit... darn. okay.

rewind...wednesday was my mom's bday...and we ate out at Olive Garden.!! yUMMAy =) love that place. so we were talking and what not. and 1) I'M NOT GETTING A CAR ANYTIME SOON ANYMORE.!!!!!!! =/ i was supposed to get my cousin's car b/c she was gonna get a new one...but NooO...she's not gonna get a new one anymore....so now i'm searching for a car...it'll probably take a while...whatever. i'm too BLEH... 2) MY MOMMY LIKES IAN.!!!!! =) she told me that she really likes him....cool huh.?? she even wanted to take him with us, but we were already there...and plus ian NEVER picks up his celly phone...so i couldn't reach him.

anyways, today was our school's welcome dance. it was cool. i haven't danced in a while...damn i suck at dancing..i always feel like an idiot when i'm dancing. ahahah..okay dude....me and ian picked up and dropped off the whole world today..but it's okay because i got to drive most of the time. hMmm...me, kimber, and marvie all wore the same kind of hat...they both had black and i had khaki...or TAN...(damn my contacts. they hurt.!! please hold while i take them out...brbbs) okay...i'm too tired.

okay i'm off to sleep until ian calls....

2002-09-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

woohoo.!!!!! JUSTIN got his LICENSE.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) congratulations dude.!!!! pick me up, pick me up. see you this weekend.!!

gosh, i'm so jealous. i want my car already dammit.!!! my friend forgot to pick me up for school this morning.!! ahahahha...it was kinda funny though. but yeah....i got to school.!! thanks, mom.!!!

maaaaaaaaan, it is SOOOOO HOTT these days. 107 degrees.!!! that's really really ridiculously hott.!! ahahah....

kimber rocks my socks.!!! i labs her thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis MUCH....she makes me school life great. it's all about the BOBAPUFF sisters...ahahahah.!! oh dear ...we are sooooooo TENARDO.!!!! get it.!??! Bobapuff.....and all the names start with a B.!!!! okay, yess i'm super gay.!!!

time to be like jules.!!......REFLECTION OF SUMMER

> fun times going out w/ the homies.
> kim, we never even went to magic.
> i went out a LOT more than last summer.!!! =)
> me and Gabe broke up -=/
> i went to vegas...the ONLY out of town place during the summer.
> re-bonded with some of the kpfa girls.
> went to jamba juice HOW many times w/ allie.?!?
> NEVER went to melrose.!! can you believe that.?!?! damn....
> started talking to ian =)
> went swimming a lot...dude.!! i re-learned how to swim underwater.!!!
> i quenched my ever so long thirst for alcohol.

okay shot outs next...mommy needs the comp.

2002-09-02T17:44:00.000-07:00

to quote my sister janice....(this is exactly how i feel)....

like **JIMIJ** cuz i knoe mai GIRLS are REAL! ain't no FAKIES or anything! =) as hard as it's been for me the past few days... it's times like these when i can think bout people..that i knoe gots my back 110% maybe even more! it's just great... =)

i'm so happy! i've realized that i've had friends that have come and go...and even some of the "friends" i have now...are kinda iffy! but everyone's kool! [don't get me wrong] it's just sometimes...you don't knoe who your REAL friends are! and forreal...i'm just lovin' mai GIRLS ~~~>: **JIMIJ** awwww mayn! doesn't get any better than that! heh! and ALLie too! cuz aLLie's always with **JIMIJ** <~~~ JILL IVY MICA [IVY] heh and ME!!! Our iniTials spell JIMIJ [get it???] haha okae... but thanks to ALL MY GOOOD FRIENDS!!! ;o) [you knoe]

she took the words right out of my mouth -=) and that also goes for my powerpuff sisters and you, and you, and YOU... (if you're doubting that you fall under that "you"....you're most likely correct.) love peace and shit.....!!!! in the words of the ever so most hilarious man ever.....Jules: eat it =)

2002-09-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

some people have too much time on their hands....

1. i wonder why people go about ranting and complaining about people's taste in music.??
2. well, everyone's a critic. we all have our own opinions. it can't be helped..
3. sometimes i wonder if certain people are so annoyed by my judgement of music and artists that they go so far as to point it out.
4. cousin KRIS and also to my homie KRIS....you're damn right.!!! who cares about all the haters...people are haters. but we LIKE avril.!!!
5. just because i like avril lavigne doesn't mean i like ALL of her songs... however, i do like MOST of them.
6. yes, i heard she is a bitch and really like....not who she thinks she is. contrary to that, i still dig her.!!
7. maybe i just have time on my hands right now...which gives reason to why i'm making a list.
8. it could also possibly be that some things just annoy me.
9. but hey....i can think what i want to think...and say what i want to say right.?? because hey....that's never stopped others
10. and hmMm...."i'm sorry.!?!?"
11. i talked to my friend aaron (from my school) a little while ago. he's pretty rad. he's not really what i thought he'd be like. that's awesome. another reason why i shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. not that i judged him. i guess i just pictured him as someone else. but yeah.
12. smoking is bad.!!! (and keeem.!! i know what you're thinking) ...yes, i have tried it....cigarettes and weed...BUT...it's not my thing, and i don't like it. that's all i have to say about that...*drug free is the way to bee*
13. i think i'm a jealous type of girl. i always get all wigged when ian mentions a girl that he used to talk to or date. ahahah...but it's all good i guess. it's not like i get mad.
14. IT WAS BLAZING HOTT LIKE AN INFERNO TODAY. what is up w/ the weather.??
15. my mom has been so busy working. we haven't had much mother/daughter quality time.
16. i want my car already.!!!
17. i saw (err...read) a side of kimber that i haven't seen in so long. she rocks my socks. i lab you keems.
18. i love *jiMij ...JIllian Ivy Mica Janice...yeah we're sisters and you know it.!!!
19. read jana's blog CLICK HERE FOR SOME BERRY GEWDESS PUN POR YOU
20. I LOVE MY TWIN TWIN MARVIE she's the bestest twin ever. read her blog too....RIGHT HERE
21. kimber still has my slippers...
22. in fact...marvie has my sweater.
23. it's really HOTT right now
24. i want to talk to ian right now
25. Good night...rather Good Morning...God Bless You.

2002-09-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

JanFaye86: is mica even home?
JanFaye86: haha....err out with MY BOYFRIEND Joe
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahha
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: no MINE
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahhhhh
JanFaye86: .....haha YEA OKAE BUDDY
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: LOL...gosh he's sooo HOTT....MMmm..YUMMAY...he's soooOoo SEXAAAAAAAAAY
JanFaye86: haha...
JanFaye86: hahah forreal
JanFaye86: i knoe watcha mean mayn!
JanFaye86: it's like....gimme a PIECE OF THAT
JanFaye86: MmM MmM...gewd
JanFaye86: [like cambell soup]
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: WOW....milk did his body good.!!
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and his face
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: and his EVERYTHING
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahha except for...
JanFaye86: ...hahaha PHARREAL
JanFaye86: hahahaha
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: AHAHAHHA shhhhhhh.!!!! -=X
JanFaye86: i was JUST BOUT TO SAY THAT
JanFaye86: LoLz
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: LOL
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahha
JanFaye86: OOOOOO GOSH
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: SHHHHHHH.!!
JanFaye86: but i knoe....MY baby's got it goin' on TOO
JanFaye86: soOO it's all gewd!
JanFaye86: =)
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: oh yeah.!?!?!? My babee's is IMPRESSIVE
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: ahahahhaha LOL...
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: duuuuuuuuuuude.... =)
LiL kRaZy BeBoT: he's so SESSAAAAAAAY